Fitting in Time for Me...And My Husband.

I think I've piled a little bit too much on my plate again (sigh).  I go through cycles.  I put too many irons in the fire, work really hard until I basically have a break down, then step back and try to figure out which things can be taken off the plate.

It's a sickness, I know.

For the last several months, I've been up from 5:00 am till midnight every day of the week.  I have 1 day between now and the end of March, and 2 days in April, that I don't have at least one thing scheduled - above and beyond the recurring appointments already etched into my brain.

And yet, I'm trying to do more. Be more.

Well, actually, I'm trying to be LESS. As in lose weight.

I've spent a couple of months working out 2-3 times per week with my trainer, and I'm beginning to see differences in increased strength and how my clothes fit better.  But the scale isn't moving the way I'd like.

I'm not willing to give up the strength training, because I need the extra strength to handle my son with special needs.  So, with only 5 hours of sleep per night, and having the current commitment of 90 minutes with Ryan (the trainer) three times per week, I struggled with how to add more cardio without taking away from my family.

Decades ago, in high school, I used to play volleyball.  I haven't played since before my youngest was born, nearly 7 years ago.  But my husband is 6'6" and he LOVES volleyball.  Go figure.

I found out about a co-ed volleyball night through our church twice per month, and I asked him about it.  I suggested we could use it as our date night on those weeks.  The nice thing about volleyball is A) it's free.  B) It's not centered around food, which is how our date nights usually go.

Tonight was our first night.

I showed up in knee-length spandex Capris, a pair of tennis shoes, and a t-shirt over a tank top and two bras - one is like a suit of friggin' armor to keep the 'girls' from giving me a black-eye, and the other was to smooth out the bumps because my cups runneth over, if you know what I mean.  The suit of armor was $80 when I bought it. By golly I'm gonna use it till it shreds into nothingness, or the straps break.

I was a hot mess by the end of the first rotation, gasping for breath after the second, and sweating like a pig by the end of the 11-point game. Still, I persisted.

I only needed help getting up off the floor once - I certainly felt like a beached whale - but everyone was a good sport, and we were all there for fun.

My husband and I lasted 2 1/2 hours before we came home.  He swears his hip went out during a play. We both limped up the stairs, then guzzled inordinate amounts of Ibuprofen. Okay, I only had two but that's beside the point. I WISH I could've had like seven.  I am soooo going to feel this one in the morning!

But you know what? We had fun. And we'll be back at it again in two week.  I wonder if I can find more family activities this spring that will get out out of our comfort zone and off the couch. Hmm. I'll add that to my to-do list.

Until next time...

I'm Baaaaack!

Have you missed me?  I've missed me.  Well, I've missed my weight loss journey.  Since my last post, I finished my interning.  Then I started college.  To give you an idea of how crazy it got there for a while, an average college student takes 3 classes per semester.  I was taking five and six each QUARTER. Online.

No. Online isn't easier.  It's harder.  They expect more participation from you.  There are several assignments per week, and you're expected to not only post on the message boards, but interact with the other students and site sources justifying your answers.  Luckily, I only had to do two quarters.  I seriously think I would've shot myself if I had to do another quarter.  Remember, I have four kids and a husband to worry about during this process too.  It's not like I didn't have other things to worry about.  Life still went on.

Anyway, everything except the absolute essentials stopped for six months.  And I mean ESSENTIALS.  Laundry? Meh.  Dishes? Eventually.  Vacuuming? Nope. Tubs & toilets? I now know at what point the toilet will talk back if you don't clean it. (shudder).  I won't lie.  It was a dark time in my life.  We ate out A LOT. I gained weight. Go figure.

Now, college is complete, I just passed my test, and should be starting my new job in the next few weeks.  Now, it is time to return to my life, and establish my new normal.  ...Just in time for Summer break . Gah!

But that's okay.  I will make this work.  Somehow.  Some way.

First, I need to establish my new weight:  306.4 lbs  - I was up to 311 lbs about a week ago, and that was the catalyst for me to STOP what I was doing.

Yep.  Don't judge.  Okay, judge all you want.  I don't care.  It is what it is and no amount of shaming is going to change that.  What's important is that I'm taking a stand now.

I'm back on the trails, which I haven't done in more than eight years.  I realized that the treadmill wasn't working for me.  I would only do about 7 1/2 minutes (yes, I'm THAT out of shape), then the pain in my back, compensating for the weight in my stomach and boobs, would be so much that I'd stop, rest for 10 minutes, then get back on again.  By the time I was done, I'd complete 1 mile and would've taken an hour to do it.  Pathetic.

So, I hit the trails knowing that however far I went, I still had to turn around and come back!  It worked. But it was also friggin' HELL.  Luckily there were park benches along the trail (whoever thought of that should get a special place in heaven for being so thoughtful).  I hit my half way mark, sat for about 10 minutes, then started heading back.  By the time I hit the final curve, and could see my car, I was desperately trying not to limp...or crawl.  After all, there was a huge group of retired people, some with walkers, on the trail at the same time as me.  I had to at least do better than them!

By the time I was done, I had walked nearly two miles in about 45 minutes.  Still not fantastic, but a heck of a lot better than the stupid treadmill.  Plus, I got to view lots of pretty scenery!!

Xylacore: The First Tester Product I'm PAYING To Use Again

So, if you haven't noticed, I'm a professional product tester.  I test lots and lots of products.  This month alone, I've tested more than 50 different items.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't test just anything.  I choose each item because I am looking for something, and I'm hoping the items will be 'the one'.

For instance, one of the products I have spent the last month testing is called Xylacor.  I'm in the middle of a major weight-loss journey (160 lbs, to be exact), and I have been looking for things that aid me in the process.  I'm big into supplements and usually shy away from the all-in-one fat burning pills because I'm afraid of the side effects.

I don't know what came over me (maybe it's the hot pink pills that drew me in!) but when I saw Xylacor, I wanted to try it out.

It took a week before I realized what was happening.  I wasn't having cravings any more.  For the longest times cravings were one of the hardest things for me to control.  I am BIG into pizza and pop.  Like I eat pizza 2 to 3 times a week or more, and something equivalent to a 2-liter of diet soda per day.  It's a family thing.  Most of my family is like that. And, quite frankly, it shows on more than one of us.

A few days later, I realized that not only was I not craving sweets or pizza, I wasn't hungry all the time.  In fact, There was an entire week there I kept forgetting to EAT.  For a fat girl, that's unheard of.  You don't just forget to eat.  In fact, we're more apt to forget to STOP eating.  But I had days where I would be entering in my food for the day and realized I'd only had 800 calories.  Not good.  And yet oddly exciting.  How many times do you tell your spouse, "Yeah, I'll come to bed just as soon as I find something to eat.  I've gotta get my calories in for the day."

Yesterday I was 286.8.  Hmm I foresee my period coming on!
You'll see the difference in my belly.
It isn't sticking out beyond my boobs as much as they used to.
  Baby steps...

Then I noticed the extra energy.  I work nights, so I average about 4 hours sleep per night, which meant when my son took a nap during the day, so did I.  But this last month, I haven't felt as strong a need to sleep.  Now I can usually get through the day without crashing mid-day.  I'm not jittery, or hyper.  I just...don't crash.

The most exciting thing, though, has been the inches lost.  Oh my gosh! The inches lost around my belly!  It's frustrating to take pictures because they don't do the loss any justice.

What I can tell you is that I've lost 6 1/4" from my upper abs, 3" from my hips, and 1" from my waist (I just started measuring last week).  My stomach 'flap' has shrunk enough that I can see a difference when I look in the mirror, and I'm down a pant size.


I talked to my husband about the difference and he's noticed too.  In fact, he wanted to know if there's a male version of this pill (which there is).

I can honestly tell you that after nearly 4 weeks of using this pill as a part of my weight loss program, I am thoroughly convinced of the quality of Xylacor.  It truly does what it claims to do. And it is the very first product I've received for free, that I will be PAYING to use again because I like it that much.  Plus I will be buying a bottle of the male version for my husband.


P.S.  Don't forget what I said about the appetite!  Make sure you get enough calories each day to avoid putting your body into starvation mode!!

Week 3 Weigh In: Me and My Man Legs

It is week three and I'm proud to announce that I'm down to 288.8 lbs!  I'm in the 80's, baby!!!!  That means I'm -15 lbs already. 

I measured myself to see how the changes have been thus far, measuring my neck, arm, bust, upper abs, waist, hips, thigh and calf.  on Week two, I'd gained 2 lbs and gained 2 1/4 inches overall.  This week, I'm down 7.8 lbs from last week and down 4 1/4" overall, most notably -2 1/4" in my upper abs (yeah, baby!!).  Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.  

The only body part that increased was my calves.  And this was the second week in a row they've grown in size.  Yeah, I'm definitely getting my man-calves back - which is why you will NEVER see me doing any calf exercises.  Actually, when I'm in shape, I have man legs period.  

In high school, my legs used to rival my older brother's who had played soccer for 13 years. I had to buy my pants to fit my legs which meant my waist always had a gigantic gap. My legs & hips are why I identify myself as 'pear shaped'.  They're also why I rarely eat red meat, instead preferring fish or chicken because red meat has a tendency to bulk my legs (Not my arms.  My arms are scrawny!).

Regardless, it all needs work right now.  So, I'm not too worried.  It won't be long before I'll be buying pants to be fitting my legs instead of my gut again.  This time I'll revel in the experience!

Bleacher Laps: Feeling the Burn

I've been working out pretty hard trying to get back into shape.  I've been playing with the same 4 or 5 lbs for the last week or two, so I decided to mix things up a bit and hit the bleachers for some bleacher laps intermixed with walking around the track while my oldest son worked with his track throwing coach.

I put in 6 bleacher laps and a mile around the track before the 90 degree F weather finally caught up with me and I had to stop. I think I worked out for a good 45 minutes in the sun.

The interesting thing I noticed as I was working out was that my lungs never got to that point where I was gasping for breath.  The majority of my effort was in the legs.  They were burning and cramping something fierce.

Yes, I was doing stairs.  And yes, I stayed hydrated.  An interesting tidbit about being so severely overweight is that underneath all of that fat (at least there is for me) there's a bunch of muscle already.  You NEED that muscle to heft around all this extra weight.

For example, halfway through my bleacher laps, an athletic guy showed up and started running the bleachers.  Good for him!  He's in shape and he's putting forth an effort.  And one day I hope to be running the bleachers just like him.  The difference right now, though, is that I'm traversing the bleachers with 20 lb weights on each leg.  20 lbs of FAT covering the muscle I possess.  With each step, I must lift that extra 20 lbs.

Consider this for a moment.  How far do you think that same man (or a women) would get with a 160 lb person on their back?  Would they be able to run very far before they get winded, or body parts begin to ache?  Could they even do the bleacher laps with someone on their back? That's what it's like for me.  I'm an athletic person with 160 lbs of dead weight hanging off my body. And until I lose that weight, my muscles will constantly be burning and aching, slowly lessening as ounce by ounce, that dead weight is burned into nothingness.

So, this morning, when I began to walk down the stairs and felt my quads screaming in agony, I smiled.  Because for the first time since I began, I was feeling a GOOD pain.  Lactic acid had built up and my body was building more muscle.

I have surpassed the hardest part of the 'torture' phase of my weight loss faster than anticipated.  Now I can begin the burn & build stage:  Burn the fat and build the muscle.  Yes!!!!!

 

Sometimes You Just Have to Pull Your Big Girl Panties and DO IT!

Yeah, it was one of those days.  I started the day FANTASTIC.  But somewhere between picking up messes, teaching a class at church, and work, I lost all motivation.  Oh, and the 5 friggin' brownies I ate for lunch.  Yeah, that was all I had. Brownies.  My body rewarded me by being sick for the rest of the night (serves me right).  I've had issues with chocolate ever since my 4th child was born.  It upsets my stomach.  Does that stop me? Nope.  I'm a woman for Pete's sake!  The only thing I desire more than chocolate is pizza.  And we've already had that conversation. :(

So, when 9:00 pm (my designated work out time) came and went, then 10:00 turned to 10:30pm I realized I had to make a decision.  Was I going to put my big girl panties on and do what had to be done? Or was I gonna wuss out and go to bed instead?

Yep.  I got off my sorry butt and worked out.  Not only that, but I added .2 mph to my speed, another 12 minutes (almost 50% longer than yesterday) to my time, and doubled my distance - 2.7 miles.  Not bad considering I started at 1/2 a mile a couple weeks ago. 

Any bets on what my weight loss will be in the morning??  I'm hoping karma will reward me by ignoring those stupid brownies today. 

4 Things that have changed in my body after losing 12 lbs

It's crazy to think I'm already down 12 lbs since I started this journey.  Already, I'm beginning to see and feel changes in my body.

For instance, in the beginning, I used to be able to walk only 7 MINUTES before my lower back was in such excruciating pain that I had to stop and rest before continuing.  Guess what?  Yesterday, I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill with only minor pain.

Guess what else?  My clothes are beginning to be loose.  Not just 'gee the thighs in my pants are baggy', but 'Holy freak!  If I have to hitch up my pants one more time I'm gonna scream!' sort of baggy.  Shirts that used to be my last resort, are suddenly being considered for the Goodwill pile.

And, wonder of all wonders, I have MORE energy.  You may think, "Hey, that's kind of nice."  But one must remember that I already only get about 5-6 hours of sleep per night.  For the last two nights I've fallen asleep around 1 a.m. (it takes me longer to fall asleep - not the other way around like most people) and I'm wide awake around 5 a.m.  That equates to about 4 hours sleep.  Plus, I'm off all forms of caffeine.  No coffee, no tea, no caffeinated pops, or even chocolate.  Yet, I'm usually able to get through the whole day with only a 30 minute nap around 6 pm, then I'm good for the rest of the night.

The numbness in my hands is going down.  It's not gone yet, but it's also not constant any more.  That, alone is worth the 12 lb weight loss.

All in all, I'm satisfied where things are headed.  I wish I could drop my weight faster, but I'm also aware that it takes a great deal of effort to get the boulder rolling.

Stay with me!  There are many more amazing things to come!

Week 2 Weigh In: 4 Things I Can Do To Make This Next Week's Weigh-In Phenominal

Week 2 weigh in:

I'm getting mixed signals this week.  Admittedly, this was NOT my best week, though it often takes me a week or two to acclimate myself.  I'm not good at cold turkey.

But this weigh in, even for me, is pretty bad.

Instead of losing weight, I ultimately gained it.    My fat content went up .5%,but my water went down .8%

I lost inches in my bust, upper abs, and hips. But I stayed the same for every other body part.

I think what frustrates me the most is that most of the time, my first week is rewarded with a 5 lb weight loss.  But this time around I gained .8 lbs.

This can be attributed to many things.  It could be that I'm actually gaining muscle, or possibly water weight (though my water weight and muscle percentages tell me otherwise).  Or, it could mean something as simple as the fact that I need to take a good ol' fashioned dump.  .8 lbs could mean a myriad of things.  And I don't have the time to obsess over bad results.

All I can do is concentrate on what I am going to do to ensure I have a FANTASTIC week this next time around.

So this is what I plan to do:

1) Do NOT skip a single work out day.  I skipped a couple this week due to illness or pain.  But, you know what?  There are enough work-out programs out there that even if I'm sick or in pain, there is SOMETHING I can do to burn some calories and ramp up my metabolism.  It's time to be more flexible and rely less on walking and more on moving.

2) NO PIZZA. (Note: I didn't say eat less.  I said eat different) Pizza is the bane of my existence.  It's the go-to food for my family.  When I'm not up for cooking, that's usually what the hubby or kids request.  But every stinking time I eat pizza, my pounds are up the next day.  Goal for this week:  NO PIZZA - at ALL. Period. End of discussion. In order for me to meet my health & fitness goals, I must learn to control my cravings.

3) Drink More Water.  I was trying to drink 8 glasses per day.  Nope.  We're going for 12.  Maybe I need to flush my system out to start the ball rolling.  Heaven knows, extra water certainly won't hurt!

4) Add a little more exercise to the program.  Yes, walking is good.  But apparently it's not good enough, when you're not losing weight.  I do have a secret weapon I'm implementing this week. If all goes well, I'll explain exactly what I did so you can do the same if you want.

My sisters often tease me about it, and my husband notices within a day or two that I've started it.  But well...you'll understand when I tell you about it.  IN A WEEK!  So check back often!!!  You'll be amazed at the changes in me in just a WEEK.  Seriously.

Susan's Epic Weight Loss: Up 2 lbs. Thanks Aunt Flo!!

Yep, It's official.  I hate periods.  I weight myself today and I'm up 2 lbs.  I know. I KNOW.  I'm not supposed to weigh every day because there are usually fluctuations.  But I'm not that kind of girl.  When I weigh myself and see the numbers go up, I will instinctively work harder, or watch my portions more religiously.  And that's a good thing, right?

So, when I saw the 2 pound weight gain, even though I know it's probably from water retention due to Aunt Flo, I upped my water to 12 glasses, hit the treadmill, watched my food portions (no dessert, or garlic bread), and generally stayed out of trouble.  And according to MyfitnessPal, I've only consumed 1350 calories, which to a normal person would be fine, but for someone my size is darned near starvation - especially when the program says I burned 500 calories exercising/walking today.

I was only able to walk a mile and put in 18:39 minutes of walking before the lower back pain was unbearable - kind of like the sciatic nerve running down the butt and legs, but I'm determined to add more time each day.  Plus I upped my speed and resistance a bit to offset the lack of time I could put in.  If I can only work out 20 minutes, by golly I'm gonna sweat every stinkin' second of it!

It's frustrating to be at such a low starting point.  There was a time when I was doing 10 miles a day, or biking 20 miles, and working out 3 hours.  But that was before the two little ones came along.  One day I will be back there again.  This weight loss journey is a marathon, not a sprint.  I'm in it for the long haul.

Until next time....

Starting Point: Susan's Epic Weight Loss Measurements.

I should have done this sooner, but things became crazy around here.  Better late than never though, right?




OK, as of today, this is my Starting weight: 294.8 lbs (However, I started at 303.2 lbs)





















Fat: 55.8%
Water: 32.2 %

Neck: 16"
Bust: 49 1/4"
Arm: 16 3/4"
Waist: 50"
Lower Abs: 56"
Hips: 57"
Thigh: 24 3/4"
Calf: 17"

Pant Size: 24/26 Women
Shirt: 2XL
Shoes: Size 11 or 10 WW

I will try to add new pics and measurements every 10-20 lbs.  Let the games begin!!

Let the Epic Games Begin! First official Day of my Weight Loss

30 minutes on the treadmill feels like an hour on the trails!!

As of this morning (Sunday the 17th), I'm weighing in at 296.2, which is already a loss of 7.2 lbs.  But the weight lost up until this point has been due to sporatic attempts to be or eat healthier.  Today is what I would call my official "Day 1" because I'm journaling my food and working out. 

I like starting on Sundays because I don't eat out on Sundays, which forces me to eat healthy(er) and allows me a little more time to focus on myself before jumping head first into my week.

So just a couple quick heads-ups for those who either don't know me, or have never had this much weight to lose: 

1)  I have little or no filter.  I think filtering this experience gives a person a false sense of simplicity when it comes to losing weight of this proportion and to leave out the undesirable components of my weight for the sake of the 'eww' or 'TMI' responses keeps those who are struggling with the same issues as I am from feeling isolated because they won't identify completely with my experience.  So, for those who are faint of heart, be warned.  And if you find a particular post disturbing I'll tell you a secret:  You can delete it!  I'll never know and nobody will tell.  Just come back the next day to when things are normal :)

This is what I concentrate on while I'm on the treadmill.  Hundreds of motivational quotes!

2) I can get a little hard core at times.  I have an all-or-nothing personality. This means that in order for me to successfully lose 160 lbs I will need to be 100% all of the time.  I cannot fudge.  Not working out even ONCE will cause me to fail.  This is a personality flaw.  I understand this.  And it has taken me years to come to grips with it.  If you are NOT all-or-nothing, that's OK.  But this is who I am.  Thus, there will be lots of posts on some days because I tend to obsess on occasion to stay focused on the end goal. 

3) I will NOT be following any specific diet.  They are too restrictive.  However, I can say that of the weight loss programs I have used (and I've used nearly all of them), I will probably adhere closest to the 6-week-body makeover, which is what I was using 6 years ago when I lost 80 pounds.  I would have succeeded in that program if I hadn't gotten pregnant half way through and forced to stop.  

I am not following any specific diet, but am instead choosing to take bits and pieces that have worked for me and incorporating them all into a method that I will be able to maintain indefinitely.  The problem with diets is that they are temporary.  I am looking for a way of living that will be permanent.  Nothing less.  I have NO intention of regaining this weight back. Ever. 

4) I will be eating a LOT.  Why? Because it requires a lot of food to maintain a body this size.  So, a normal person might be on a 12-1500 calorie diet to lose 2 lbs a week.  Me?  I'm on an 1800+ calorie diet and I'll be losing nearly a pound a DAY.  Never fear, though.  The smaller I get, the less I'll be eating - in spite of the increased exercise.

286.6 lbs. This is gonna suck....to put it nicely.

Quote for the day: 

Yeah, so today sucked.  I knew it would.  It always does at the beginning.  But I'd forgotten how much it was going to suck.

I am 286.6 lbs.  I'm beyond overweight.  I'm beyond obese.  I'm morbidly obese.  If they had a term worse than that, I'd be it.  I have 150 lbs I need to lose in order to hit the middle of what is considered a healthy weight range for my body.  One hundred and fifty.  Pounds.  Not ounces.  POUNDS.  That means I have to burn 525,000 calories to hit my goal weight, or do 1,050,000 jumping jacks.

People like me land magazine covers if we actually achieve weight loss.  That's how rarely this goal is accomplished.

Let me give you a visual. THIS is 100 lbs of fat.  I need to lose 1 1/2 times this amount to hit a healthy weight.

OK.  Enough wo-is-me's. 

Like I said before.  I knew this would suck.  I've lost 80 lbs before - about 5 years ago just before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child.  6 months after she was born, I wound up pregnant with my fourth.  And now, 4 years later, I'm just now getting around to getting back on the wagon.  And I'm right back where I started the first time. (sigh). 

For those of you who aren't in my situation, let me tell you a few things about what it's like to be this fat.  It sucks. It not unusual for me to lose sensation in my fingers and hands.  I get winded walking up the stairs, or even going any real distance.  I can't sleep well because my hips hurt from the weight of my body when I sleep on my side, I feel like there is a 25 lb weight on my chest when I sleep on my back, and my back hurts when I sleep on my stomach.  Absolutely nothing looks good.  I have a hard time tying my shoes.  And we won't even begin to go into the horrors of shopping for clothes at this weight. 

Back to today.  I finally got my butt off the chair and hit the treadmill.  A few months ago, I was able to do about 45 minutes at 2.0 incline and 3.5 mph.  Today, I did 8 minutes.  8 freakin' minutes. 

At 3 minutes, I was winded.  At 6 minutes, my lower back was screaming at me.  At 7 minutes, I had both hands on the side rails bending over to relieve the stress on my back, hoping to push through.  And at 8 minutes, I had to get off.  

I'd forgotten how hard that extra 10-15 pounds is at this weight.  Walking is pure torture until I reach about 270 lbs.  But, whining and complaining doesn't burn calories.  I made my bed and now I've got to sleep in it - irregardless of whether or not its comfortable, or even torturous.  This is the price I must pay for being irresponsible with my weight and my health.  

My goal for tomorrow:  No soda and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  Wish me luck.  I'm gonna need it.  :(