I'm Baaaaack!

Have you missed me?  I've missed me.  Well, I've missed my weight loss journey.  Since my last post, I finished my interning.  Then I started college.  To give you an idea of how crazy it got there for a while, an average college student takes 3 classes per semester.  I was taking five and six each QUARTER. Online.

No. Online isn't easier.  It's harder.  They expect more participation from you.  There are several assignments per week, and you're expected to not only post on the message boards, but interact with the other students and site sources justifying your answers.  Luckily, I only had to do two quarters.  I seriously think I would've shot myself if I had to do another quarter.  Remember, I have four kids and a husband to worry about during this process too.  It's not like I didn't have other things to worry about.  Life still went on.

Anyway, everything except the absolute essentials stopped for six months.  And I mean ESSENTIALS.  Laundry? Meh.  Dishes? Eventually.  Vacuuming? Nope. Tubs & toilets? I now know at what point the toilet will talk back if you don't clean it. (shudder).  I won't lie.  It was a dark time in my life.  We ate out A LOT. I gained weight. Go figure.

Now, college is complete, I just passed my test, and should be starting my new job in the next few weeks.  Now, it is time to return to my life, and establish my new normal.  ...Just in time for Summer break . Gah!

But that's okay.  I will make this work.  Somehow.  Some way.

First, I need to establish my new weight:  306.4 lbs  - I was up to 311 lbs about a week ago, and that was the catalyst for me to STOP what I was doing.

Yep.  Don't judge.  Okay, judge all you want.  I don't care.  It is what it is and no amount of shaming is going to change that.  What's important is that I'm taking a stand now.

I'm back on the trails, which I haven't done in more than eight years.  I realized that the treadmill wasn't working for me.  I would only do about 7 1/2 minutes (yes, I'm THAT out of shape), then the pain in my back, compensating for the weight in my stomach and boobs, would be so much that I'd stop, rest for 10 minutes, then get back on again.  By the time I was done, I'd complete 1 mile and would've taken an hour to do it.  Pathetic.

So, I hit the trails knowing that however far I went, I still had to turn around and come back!  It worked. But it was also friggin' HELL.  Luckily there were park benches along the trail (whoever thought of that should get a special place in heaven for being so thoughtful).  I hit my half way mark, sat for about 10 minutes, then started heading back.  By the time I hit the final curve, and could see my car, I was desperately trying not to limp...or crawl.  After all, there was a huge group of retired people, some with walkers, on the trail at the same time as me.  I had to at least do better than them!

By the time I was done, I had walked nearly two miles in about 45 minutes.  Still not fantastic, but a heck of a lot better than the stupid treadmill.  Plus, I got to view lots of pretty scenery!!

Sometimes You Just Have to Pull Your Big Girl Panties and DO IT!

Yeah, it was one of those days.  I started the day FANTASTIC.  But somewhere between picking up messes, teaching a class at church, and work, I lost all motivation.  Oh, and the 5 friggin' brownies I ate for lunch.  Yeah, that was all I had. Brownies.  My body rewarded me by being sick for the rest of the night (serves me right).  I've had issues with chocolate ever since my 4th child was born.  It upsets my stomach.  Does that stop me? Nope.  I'm a woman for Pete's sake!  The only thing I desire more than chocolate is pizza.  And we've already had that conversation. :(

So, when 9:00 pm (my designated work out time) came and went, then 10:00 turned to 10:30pm I realized I had to make a decision.  Was I going to put my big girl panties on and do what had to be done? Or was I gonna wuss out and go to bed instead?

Yep.  I got off my sorry butt and worked out.  Not only that, but I added .2 mph to my speed, another 12 minutes (almost 50% longer than yesterday) to my time, and doubled my distance - 2.7 miles.  Not bad considering I started at 1/2 a mile a couple weeks ago. 

Any bets on what my weight loss will be in the morning??  I'm hoping karma will reward me by ignoring those stupid brownies today. 

Does Reading To Your Children Count As Exercise?

I recently downloaded a book off Amazon called: GREEN Bird: The Adventures Children Book illustrations.  I thought it would be a fun book for my kiddos, seeing as they are 4 1/2 and 6 years old.  

I've been looking for something that I can give them to read when I need them to sit quietly - i.e. in waiting rooms, in the car, or wherever. But I didn't want to be lugging a bunch of books around in a diaper bag either. Thus, the e-book method. 

My first mistake was to read the book after dinner - which means they had full tummies and a renewed sense of energy.  I sat my 4-year-old on my lap and flipped on my IPhone.  His face immediately lit up when he saw the bright green bird on the cover then he began to clap, which drew the attention of my 6 year-old.  

I began reading the book out loud to my children.  One was on my lap, and the other was standing next to me, leaning over the screen, making it hard for me to see.  This caused me to have to dodge my head around my 6-year-old daughter to read the screen while my 4-year-old son pointed to the pictures. 

The pictures were cute and completely engaging.  But every few pages, it was a white page with words, which caused my 4-year-old to zone off momentarily until another picture appeared.  This lull in his attention caused him to look elsewhere (i.e. at his big sister) for entertainment.  

Eventually, the book reading session turned into something akin to: 

ME: "'Excuse me, are you a bird?' The little green bird asked the little green thing."

JACOB Grunts and tries to tap the phone phone to turn the page.

COURTNEY: "JACOB! It's my turn!"  She slaps his hand.

ME: "Courtney, don't hit your brother." I bat her hand away and touch the screen myself.

JACOB Dives for the phone and I wrestle him away as Courtney manhandles it out of my grasp while my attention is focused on Jacob. 

COURTNEY: "Ooh, Mama! What do you think this is?  An Apple? A Pear?" She waves the phone in front of my face, but yanks it away when I try to grab it for a closer view. 

JACOB tries to make a move for the phone, but I grab him around the waist and pull him back on my lap. 

ME: "Courtney, give me the phone back so I can read it to everyone."

COURTNEY returns the phone and leans in, tapping the phone to turn the page to words.  

JACOB grunts and taps the phone too, causing it to turn back to the mystery picture. 

I tap it again, batting both hands away and reading the words. 

BOTH KIDS grin when it's revealed to be a mango!

JACOB lunges again to turn the page.

COURTNEY screams and lunges too. 

I wrestle the phone away, dodging little hands, and reading the dialogue while moving the phone every .3 seconds to avoid sticky fingers. 

More screaming (some from me).  

We turn the page. 

COURTNEY guesses, giggles, and squeals.

JACOB lunges, successfully turning the page again, and pointing to the newest animal discovery.
And then repeat....

Seriously, can I count that as my workout?  My arms are kind of tired.  It's gotta count for a few minutes anyway.

Needless to say, the book was a hit.  You might want to check it out.  If you dare...but I wouldn't recommend it for quite time.    :)

Susan's Epic Weight Loss: Up 2 lbs. Thanks Aunt Flo!!

Yep, It's official.  I hate periods.  I weight myself today and I'm up 2 lbs.  I know. I KNOW.  I'm not supposed to weigh every day because there are usually fluctuations.  But I'm not that kind of girl.  When I weigh myself and see the numbers go up, I will instinctively work harder, or watch my portions more religiously.  And that's a good thing, right?

So, when I saw the 2 pound weight gain, even though I know it's probably from water retention due to Aunt Flo, I upped my water to 12 glasses, hit the treadmill, watched my food portions (no dessert, or garlic bread), and generally stayed out of trouble.  And according to MyfitnessPal, I've only consumed 1350 calories, which to a normal person would be fine, but for someone my size is darned near starvation - especially when the program says I burned 500 calories exercising/walking today.

I was only able to walk a mile and put in 18:39 minutes of walking before the lower back pain was unbearable - kind of like the sciatic nerve running down the butt and legs, but I'm determined to add more time each day.  Plus I upped my speed and resistance a bit to offset the lack of time I could put in.  If I can only work out 20 minutes, by golly I'm gonna sweat every stinkin' second of it!

It's frustrating to be at such a low starting point.  There was a time when I was doing 10 miles a day, or biking 20 miles, and working out 3 hours.  But that was before the two little ones came along.  One day I will be back there again.  This weight loss journey is a marathon, not a sprint.  I'm in it for the long haul.

Until next time....

286.6 lbs. This is gonna suck....to put it nicely.

Quote for the day: 

Yeah, so today sucked.  I knew it would.  It always does at the beginning.  But I'd forgotten how much it was going to suck.

I am 286.6 lbs.  I'm beyond overweight.  I'm beyond obese.  I'm morbidly obese.  If they had a term worse than that, I'd be it.  I have 150 lbs I need to lose in order to hit the middle of what is considered a healthy weight range for my body.  One hundred and fifty.  Pounds.  Not ounces.  POUNDS.  That means I have to burn 525,000 calories to hit my goal weight, or do 1,050,000 jumping jacks.

People like me land magazine covers if we actually achieve weight loss.  That's how rarely this goal is accomplished.

Let me give you a visual. THIS is 100 lbs of fat.  I need to lose 1 1/2 times this amount to hit a healthy weight.

OK.  Enough wo-is-me's. 

Like I said before.  I knew this would suck.  I've lost 80 lbs before - about 5 years ago just before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child.  6 months after she was born, I wound up pregnant with my fourth.  And now, 4 years later, I'm just now getting around to getting back on the wagon.  And I'm right back where I started the first time. (sigh). 

For those of you who aren't in my situation, let me tell you a few things about what it's like to be this fat.  It sucks. It not unusual for me to lose sensation in my fingers and hands.  I get winded walking up the stairs, or even going any real distance.  I can't sleep well because my hips hurt from the weight of my body when I sleep on my side, I feel like there is a 25 lb weight on my chest when I sleep on my back, and my back hurts when I sleep on my stomach.  Absolutely nothing looks good.  I have a hard time tying my shoes.  And we won't even begin to go into the horrors of shopping for clothes at this weight. 

Back to today.  I finally got my butt off the chair and hit the treadmill.  A few months ago, I was able to do about 45 minutes at 2.0 incline and 3.5 mph.  Today, I did 8 minutes.  8 freakin' minutes. 

At 3 minutes, I was winded.  At 6 minutes, my lower back was screaming at me.  At 7 minutes, I had both hands on the side rails bending over to relieve the stress on my back, hoping to push through.  And at 8 minutes, I had to get off.  

I'd forgotten how hard that extra 10-15 pounds is at this weight.  Walking is pure torture until I reach about 270 lbs.  But, whining and complaining doesn't burn calories.  I made my bed and now I've got to sleep in it - irregardless of whether or not its comfortable, or even torturous.  This is the price I must pay for being irresponsible with my weight and my health.  

My goal for tomorrow:  No soda and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  Wish me luck.  I'm gonna need it.  :(