32 Things I Hate About Being Fat

The last time I accomplished a major weight loss, it was nearly 6 years ago resulting in an 80 pound loss and me getting pregnant (after 10 years!)  One of the things I remember vividly toward the end of the journey was how quickly I forgot some aspects of being fat.  In the three months it took to lose the weight, I forgot some of the more truly morbid aspects of being obese. So this time around, I want to make sure to document those things, so that I won't forget.  And so I can use it as ammunition to keep me from gaining the weight back again...for whatever reason.

Susan's Epic Weight Loss
32 Things I Hate About Being Fat
This is me in April - Looking the NICEST I've looked in years.

Things I Hate About Being Fat

1. Not being able to climb a single flight of stairs without being winded.
2. Having my 4 year-old run faster than me.
3. Losing sensation in my arms and hands if I'm at a task for too long. The bigger I get, the worse it is.
4. Excruciating lower back pain when I walk for more than 5 minutes.
5. Being too self-conscious to wear a swim suit in public.
6. Not owning any full-length mirrors.
7. HATING to shop. Period.
8. My feet are too fat for regular shoes.
9. Being too self-conscious to eat (or work out) in public because I feel like everyone is judging me.
10. Feeling as if I don't deserve to be pampered and cared for. I'll 'earn it' when I get skinnier.
11. Being virtually invisible to strangers.
12. Being unable to play volleyball or hike - or any physical activity for that matter.
13. Rising from a sitting position on the floor is darned near impossible.
14. Having difficulty reaching my butt when I wipe.
15. The overhang of  my stomach.
16. Having a stomach that is bigger than my rather substantial boobs.
17. The double chin from hell.
18. Having difficulty tying my shoes.
19. Never wanting to have my picture taken.  Crying when I see my picture.
20. Realizing I've become just like my mother.
21. Wondering if my husband or children are ashamed of me.

22.  Avoiding places where I might meet old friends for fear they'll judge me for gaining so much weight since high school. 

23.    Plus sized clothing.  Ewwwww.

24.    Any shoes with more than 2 inch heels are too tall and hurt my feet

25.    Not going on rides or zip lining because I won't fit or weigh too much for the ride.

26.    $80 bras are the norm.

27.    My fingers are too fat for rings.

28.    Restaurant booths are a snug fit.

29.    My lap is almost too small for my son to sit on.

30.    Lingerie.  Yeah, not gonna happen.

31.    Neuropathy in my legs and feet.

32.    Being too embarrassed to dance.

...And the list goes on.  Be sure to come back.  I'm sure I'll add more as I consider this further.

286.6 lbs. This is gonna suck....to put it nicely.

Quote for the day: 

Yeah, so today sucked.  I knew it would.  It always does at the beginning.  But I'd forgotten how much it was going to suck.

I am 286.6 lbs.  I'm beyond overweight.  I'm beyond obese.  I'm morbidly obese.  If they had a term worse than that, I'd be it.  I have 150 lbs I need to lose in order to hit the middle of what is considered a healthy weight range for my body.  One hundred and fifty.  Pounds.  Not ounces.  POUNDS.  That means I have to burn 525,000 calories to hit my goal weight, or do 1,050,000 jumping jacks.

People like me land magazine covers if we actually achieve weight loss.  That's how rarely this goal is accomplished.

Let me give you a visual. THIS is 100 lbs of fat.  I need to lose 1 1/2 times this amount to hit a healthy weight.

OK.  Enough wo-is-me's. 

Like I said before.  I knew this would suck.  I've lost 80 lbs before - about 5 years ago just before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child.  6 months after she was born, I wound up pregnant with my fourth.  And now, 4 years later, I'm just now getting around to getting back on the wagon.  And I'm right back where I started the first time. (sigh). 

For those of you who aren't in my situation, let me tell you a few things about what it's like to be this fat.  It sucks. It not unusual for me to lose sensation in my fingers and hands.  I get winded walking up the stairs, or even going any real distance.  I can't sleep well because my hips hurt from the weight of my body when I sleep on my side, I feel like there is a 25 lb weight on my chest when I sleep on my back, and my back hurts when I sleep on my stomach.  Absolutely nothing looks good.  I have a hard time tying my shoes.  And we won't even begin to go into the horrors of shopping for clothes at this weight. 

Back to today.  I finally got my butt off the chair and hit the treadmill.  A few months ago, I was able to do about 45 minutes at 2.0 incline and 3.5 mph.  Today, I did 8 minutes.  8 freakin' minutes. 

At 3 minutes, I was winded.  At 6 minutes, my lower back was screaming at me.  At 7 minutes, I had both hands on the side rails bending over to relieve the stress on my back, hoping to push through.  And at 8 minutes, I had to get off.  

I'd forgotten how hard that extra 10-15 pounds is at this weight.  Walking is pure torture until I reach about 270 lbs.  But, whining and complaining doesn't burn calories.  I made my bed and now I've got to sleep in it - irregardless of whether or not its comfortable, or even torturous.  This is the price I must pay for being irresponsible with my weight and my health.  

My goal for tomorrow:  No soda and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  Wish me luck.  I'm gonna need it.  :(