Back in the Saddle Again. Why I Keep Coming Back for More

Yes, it's been a while since I posted. Yes, I'm at it again. Yes, I'm tired of trying and failing. But I'm going to try AGAIN. Why? Well let me tell you a little story.

My mother and I at my high school graduation

I am the seventh of ten children. My mom stayed at home because, well, what else are you going to do with ten kids? She did the very best she could considering the circumstances.  And over forty years of child-rearing, she gained weight.  A lot of it.

She tried a bajillion different diets. I remember her going to TOPs (Take off Pounds Sensibly) and Overeaters Anonymous.  I remember seeing hypnosis audio tapes, Weight Watchers material, and a myriad of other attempts at losing weight.

I distinctly remember a point in sixth grade when I began to be embarrassed by what my mom looked like.  Yes, it's selfish, and horrible.  She was my mother. And I was twelve. Twelve-year-olds are selfish and horrible. During that time, I often recall asking myself, "Why doesn't she just...lose it? Eat less, work out more. It's not that hard."

Yeah. Said the 12 year old girl who was 98 lbs soaking wet and never had a problem with her weight until she had children of her own. Then I gained 60 lbs with my first child, and it all went downhill from there.

Soon, I found myself doing the same things my mother did...and failing. More often than not, I'd look in the mirror and see my mother. I would often wonder if my children were embarrassed of me like I was of Mom.  Except now I'm on the receiving end of the weight-loss discussion.

Me:2015

Why can't I just eat less and move more?  Well, to fully understand, a normal person would have to put another full-grown adult on their back and carry that person around during an entire workout. Then they'd understand how easily a person gets winded climbing stairs, or their back hurts after 15 minutes on the treadmill, or how something as simple as getting up from the floor becomes a chore.

Second, it ultimately comes down to time for me. I don't have any of it. I get 5 hours of sleep at night, if that.  It is difficult for me to give up even 30 minutes of that time to exercise.

Yet, here I am, trying again. Why?

Because I had a mother whom I loved dearly. She fought the good fight for decades and never managed to win. I think at some point, she just gave up, and her weight defeated her.

So each time I hit the treadmill, or drag myself out of bed, nearly in tears because I'm so stinking tired, I remember my mother. And I promise myself that I will not let my weight define me. I will not let my weight overpower me. And I will not be that mom that my children are ashamed of.  I will be the person I want to be. I will do the things I want to do.  I will not let my weight dictated what I can and cannot do.  And I will not let obesity defeat us both.

Therefore, I will try and try and try and try and TRY until I succeed.  Even if that means I have 9,999 more tries to go. I will not quit.

Current weight and Stats on today's workout.  Holding myself accountable and hoping to see progress. I will not quit.

Update: 02/07/17 Working With a Trainer

Did you miss me?  I wish I could say the same.  I've been running around with my hair on fire...again.

Since my last post in November, my daughter got married, we had Christmas and New Years, I was working 50-hour work weeks, and then, I got sick.  For 3 weeks.  Sigh.

I'm so done with 2017. And it's only February!!

Luckily, out of sight didn't necessarily mean off the wagon.  I started working with a trainer on January 10th. And he's uh-maz-ing. 

Remember how, in older posts, I talked about the beginning phase of getting into shape would be absolute torture? Apparently I was wrong. No, seriously.  I was wrong.

I have met with Ryan of Phoenix Strength Systems 11 or 12 times now. Not consistently though.  I had a 3 week gap when I was sick, and then another week when I had the period from HELL.  And not a single one of our visits involved me being in any sort of pain.  Or relatively tired/winded.  The next couple of days? Well, that's another story.  But it was all good pain.  Muscles were changing, growing, and building.

In spite of the gaps between visits, I still managed to lose some inches.

New measurements:

Weight: 299.6 lbs (+.8 lbs)
Neck:  16" (- 1/4")
Bust:  49" (-1 1/4")
Upper Abs:  46 1/2" (-6 1/2")!!!
Lower Abs:  54" (same)
Hips: 55 1/2" (-1")
Thigh: 28" (same)
Bicep: 15 1/2" (- 1/2")
Calf: 17" (same)

My weight is essentially the same, but my inches are going down. Pretty cool, eh. Muscle takes up less space than fat, so the measurements tell me that I'm building some serious muscle. 

I even had someone tell me I looked skinner, and all my clothes are hanging differently (in a good way).  People don't normally notice changes in my body for at least 20-30 lbs.  And yet, they're noticing. :)

I enjoy working out this time around, which makes the discomfort of sore muscles the next day totally worth it!

Susan's Epic Weight Loss 11/04/16

Weight: 298.4  (1.8 lbs lost since yesterday)
Workout: Bodyflex

Measurements (starting):

Neck: 16 1/4"
Bust: 50 1/4"
Bicep: 16"
Upper Abs: 53"
Lower Abs: 54"
Hips: 56 1/2 "
Thigh: 28"
Calf: 17"


Breakfast:  Nothing

Lunch:  Shari's Triple Decker Club Sandwich; Side salad w/ranch on the side (no croutons): 700 calories

Dinner:  Almond Chicken (281 cal) , Sweet & Sour Chicken (276 calories), Beef & Broccoli (338 calories), Egg drop soup (66 calories):  Total calories: 861 calories   Diet Soda to drink

Total Calories:  1561


Synopsis:  Not as much energy as yesterday, but I've been up since 5 a.m. and I didn't even try to take a nap today.  Plus, I never hit the treadmill.

On another interesting note, I only ate twice today, and aside from lunch time, which was around 11:30 am (because I never had time for breakfast), I wasn't hungry at all. In fact, I didn't finish by breakfast or dinner.

Went to the movies tonight (Hacksaw Ridge is AMAZING, by the way) and didn't buy anything to eat.  I think that's the first time EVER we've never bought food at the movies.  It's always been a ritual until today.  Woohoo! It's all about change, baby!

Working Out Has Become a Family Affair

Summer has been crazy around here.  Much of it has been geared around sports and working out.  I am on my weight-loss journey, trying to lose as much weight as possible and training for a triathlon in September.  My oldest daughter is a college track athlete training for the upcoming year after a particularly devastating freshman year which involved heart surgery and a tumor on the pituitary gland.  My oldest son is an upcoming Sophomore in high school and is training for basketball and track.  And my husband has decided to jump on the bandwagon and get more active as well.

All of this training and working out has enabled us opportunities to try a bevy of new products to report back to you.


Wrist Wraps: We purchased wrist wraps which were primarily designed to help with weight lifting.  However, we quickly discovered (after talking to my oldest daughter) that these are particularly helpful if you are a shot putter.  She informed me that when she used the wraps, it automatically added distance to her throw.  Nathan, quickly grabbed one of the two pairs for himself, and we gave the second set to KC (the husband) to use for weight.  What we truly did NOT expect to discover, was that our youngest son with Down syndrome became obsessed with these wraps as well.

Jacob has always had certain sensory issues where he likes to take objects like string, yarn, or rope and tie them around his arms and neck.  I have no idea what sort of sensory feedback he gets from doing that, but it's an issue in our house, and after a particularly scary incident involving yarn, it means I don't do any knitting around our house.

Anyway, we quickly discovered, that Jake LOVES to have the wristwraps put around his wrists.  Nathan wraps them (they go nearly up to his little elbows) and velcros them, and Jake is happy as a clam!  He has even ransacked Nathan's room to find them and bring them to his big brother to request that they be wrapped around his arms.


Chalk Block:  Normally chalk is found in powder form in buckets.  However, we were able to test blocks of chalk with are particularly helpful when you are travelling.  For us, that meant that we could bring a block of chalk with us to the school when practicing shot put, rather than a zip lock bag, or forgoing the chalk all together due to how messy it is. Nathan said it was really soft, and went on pretty easy, but unlike the powdered stuff, you need to remember to put on lots of it, or crumble it in order to get enough chalk on your hands. Grade: A-

Testosterone Boost Supplement:  We have several supplements each family member is in the process of trying for various reasons.  One of the first supplements my husband tried was a Testosterone Boost Supplement.  He told me that the supplement was pretty good, and gave him energy, but it reacted with some of his gout prescriptions and gave him an upset stomach.  He would liked to have tried it Grade:  B (be careful if you're taking meds for gout - otherwise it's worth a try)
longer to see if he experienced more than just "more energy".

Pulse Massager:  When all the hard work is done, the husband and kids, run for the ElectroTherapy Massager.  It's become a staple in our post-workout activities.  Usually one, or all of them sit down at various times during the evening and place the pads on various muscles that have been hit hard by their trainer and let the massager work it's magic.  Though I would STRONGLY suggest turning the remote down to the lowest possible setting before turning it on.  It huts like a bugger if you turn it on at full blast!  They choose one of eight settings (Nate likes #2.  It reminds him of the massage chair at the chiropractor), then sets the timer, the level of intensity, and let it do it's magic.  We've already had to order new pads because I know the set we have now won't last this high usage much longer.
Grade: A

Scale: Finally, the latest addition to our happy health-conscious home has been a brand new scale! (I used the manufacturer's picture because A - my feet don't look that cute, and B-you can't see the numbers when I take a pic).  I'm very excited about this scale for several reasons.  First off, it connects to my smart phone, so the App will track my progress.  Secondly, it is smaller, thinner, and lighter than my old scale, which is important because space in our bathroom is at a premium.  Third, there are settings for each of our family members - so I can input my info including goal weight, age, gender, activity, etc and the scale will keep it and use it to create an accurate account of weight, fat, etc.  Plus, everyone else can do the same.  And fourth, it tells me I weigh less than my old scale!  Hahahaha!  I noticed the old scale was off when I went into my OBGYN several times over the last couple weeks and their scale kept telling me I weighed as much fully clothed as MY scale says I weigh buck naked.  Talk about an ego boost. Buy a new scale. Automatically weigh less! Yes!!!  Grade:  A+

*I received each of these products for free in exchange for an honest and unbiased review of each item

Week 3 Weigh In: Me and My Man Legs

It is week three and I'm proud to announce that I'm down to 288.8 lbs!  I'm in the 80's, baby!!!!  That means I'm -15 lbs already. 

I measured myself to see how the changes have been thus far, measuring my neck, arm, bust, upper abs, waist, hips, thigh and calf.  on Week two, I'd gained 2 lbs and gained 2 1/4 inches overall.  This week, I'm down 7.8 lbs from last week and down 4 1/4" overall, most notably -2 1/4" in my upper abs (yeah, baby!!).  Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.  

The only body part that increased was my calves.  And this was the second week in a row they've grown in size.  Yeah, I'm definitely getting my man-calves back - which is why you will NEVER see me doing any calf exercises.  Actually, when I'm in shape, I have man legs period.  

In high school, my legs used to rival my older brother's who had played soccer for 13 years. I had to buy my pants to fit my legs which meant my waist always had a gigantic gap. My legs & hips are why I identify myself as 'pear shaped'.  They're also why I rarely eat red meat, instead preferring fish or chicken because red meat has a tendency to bulk my legs (Not my arms.  My arms are scrawny!).

Regardless, it all needs work right now.  So, I'm not too worried.  It won't be long before I'll be buying pants to be fitting my legs instead of my gut again.  This time I'll revel in the experience!

Is It Hot In Here? Or Is It Just Me?

Ok, I'm just gonna throw this out there.  I don't know if I'm crazy, menopausal, or if this is normal, and I'm just not getting the memo.  But, for me, when I'm losing large amounts of weight (i.e. a pound or more per day) I notice that I have a tendency to sweat.  Like all day long.  As in, feeling like it's 110 degrees outside, but I'm actually in an air conditioned house, kind of sweat.

Do any of you feel that way, or felt that way when your body was in 'the zone' and burning off a bunch of weight?

I noticed it for the 3 whole days I tried the Hcg diet - then stopped because it was outrageous.  I think I lost 5 lbs in those 3 days, but I also almost passed out and had migraines.  I noticed it this week when I had the 2 lb weight loss in 24 hours.

So, am I crazy?   Just tell me I'm not crazy.  I think I could even handle menopausal.

Maybe it's one of the supplements I'm taking?  I dunno.  What I do know, though, is that sweating like an Banshee is a double-edged sword.  Yes, I know that a killer weigh-in is eminent.  But it also means I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl 24/7.

And, before you start telling me it's just water-loss, I'm gonna stop you right there and say, "Nuh-uh."

This sweating thing is a normal occurrence for me.  It happens all the time.  Not just twice.  And a girl can only lose so much water before she starts losing fat - especially if she's doing everything right.

Oh well, it's hard to get a response from your own personal blog post.  So I'll post this to the World Wide Web and hope that someone responds.

Thank you, and good night :)

Starting Point: Susan's Epic Weight Loss Measurements.

I should have done this sooner, but things became crazy around here.  Better late than never though, right?




OK, as of today, this is my Starting weight: 294.8 lbs (However, I started at 303.2 lbs)





















Fat: 55.8%
Water: 32.2 %

Neck: 16"
Bust: 49 1/4"
Arm: 16 3/4"
Waist: 50"
Lower Abs: 56"
Hips: 57"
Thigh: 24 3/4"
Calf: 17"

Pant Size: 24/26 Women
Shirt: 2XL
Shoes: Size 11 or 10 WW

I will try to add new pics and measurements every 10-20 lbs.  Let the games begin!!

Adding Fish Oil To My Diet - Finally one I can stomach!

I've tried to take Fish oil off and on over the years for a variety of reasons. First off, I know that it's good for me. Secondly, I'm aware that I don't get enough of it in my diet because I'm the only one in my family who likes fish. And, since there are six of us, I'm out numbered.

 Fish oil has been connected to a variety of health benefits - anything from helping your periods, to obesity, to helping you gain weight, avoiding stroke, etc. For me, I was most interested in the prevention of stroke and heart disease because two of my children have congenital heart defects, my 19-year-old daughter had a TIA (mini-stroke) 6 months ago, and my father had a stroke when he was 55. Yeah, I'm not remotely interested in toying with any of that stuff. Anything I can do to keep my heart and blood healthy, I'm going to try. The problem I've had with fish oil in the past has been burping up the fish aftertaste. I could never last a day or two. But, when I had a chance to try a brand that promised no fish aftertastes, I was willing to give it a try.

It has totally lived up to its promises in my estimation.  I'm about a week into testing of this product and I'm very happy with it. For those who are interested, I found it on Amazon. The shipping was fast and the service good. I'm blogging about it because I'd recommend it. I hope you get the same out of it as I did!

 Suz

Why my weight loss will not be a priority in my life

So, I thought it might be a good idea to join Instagram.  I thought it would be fun to encourage others struggling with the same weight loss issues I am.  So far, all I've found are a bunch of very muscular, skinny people who probably spend more time in 1 day working on health and fitness than I do in a week.  Of course, that may be why they're all skinny and fit and I'm 150 lbs overweight.

That's great.  That's fine.  If that is your priority, I'm all for it.  It's an honorable endeavor.  However, before anyone judges me on how I go about this whole weight-loss thingy, I want you to spend a couple minutes in my shoes...or at least check out a typical day for me so that you'll understand WHY I do not plan on spending 3 hours a day on my health and fitness. But I WILL put it on my schedule and make sure I carve more time for it.

• 5:30 a.m. My 4-year-old son with Down syndrome wakes me up.  If I'm lucky, I can get him to lay with me till 6, but chances are, he's been up since 4:30, run through the house, torn everything to shreds, and finally came to me when there was nothing left to destroy and he was bored.  Don't worry - all dangerous items are locked safely away, and the house is locked up tight.  
• 6:00 a.m. I begin the arduous process of waking up my 15 year-old and my 6 year-old.  This process usually entails pounding on my teen's door 3 or 4 separate times, flipping his light switch on, threatening him with bodily harm, yelling, and occasionally laying on him until he surrenders and climbs out of bed.  Between visits to the teen, I must sing (yes, sing) my 6-year old awake to avoid any little-girl tantrums, help her find her clothes (because she is incapable of finding the outfit I laid directly next to her when I walked in the room), cook her breakfast, and make sure she eats it.  Then, I run after my 4 year-old trying to change his pull-up, and wrestle him into his clothes so that we can take said teenager to early-morning seminary. 
• 7:00 - Teen gets taken to seminary.  We pick up more kids for the Elementary school carpool, drop them (and my 6-year-old) off, then head home.
• 8:00 a.m.  I try to squeeze in a bite to eat while simultaneously running after my son who has climbed up onto the counter (or kitchen sink) and is now dumping any and all food the older kids left behind all over the floor or counter - or eating it himself.  Then, I try to convince him (I usually fail) to keep his clothes on while I spend the next several hours following behind him cleaning up mess after mess.  Finally around 10 a.m. I give up and let him go at it.  Screw it. I'll clean up his mess when he goes to pre-school (Don't judge me). 
• From 10:00 am - Noon: We work on his speech therapy, I try to squeeze in a little time returning e-mails and doing social media, he's fed, re-dressed for school, I make any phone calls needed for the day, etc. 
• 12:00 a.m. my son goes to school and I collapse into a heap on the couch.  I love the boy DEARLY but he is some serious work!  From 12 - 2 is when I race around like a maniac getting everything done that can't be accomplished with children in the house: dentist appointments, personal doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, filling orders, last-minute work on any one of my websites, running errands, etc.  
• 2:00-4:00 the 6-year-old and the teen come home and we prep for evening.  Go through school work, check our schedule to see what is on tap for the evening, start dinner, last-minute cleaning, mow lawns/water grass and plants, etc.
• 4:00 - 7:00 is dinner prep & eating, activities for the kids, the 4 year-old comes home, and I field faxes for my part time job doing transcription work at home.
• 7:00 - 9:00 the evening bed-time ritual occurs for the little ones. 
• 9:00 - I work out
• 10:00 - 1:00 a.m. - I do my transcription work, followed by any other work that needs to be done on my business, websites, and writing my books.  At 1:00 I fall into bed and try to remember to breathe. 

With that said, I think I'm going to call it a night and go to bed an hour early.  Looking at my schedule for tomorrow already has me tired.  Whew!

Let the Epic Games Begin! First official Day of my Weight Loss

30 minutes on the treadmill feels like an hour on the trails!!

As of this morning (Sunday the 17th), I'm weighing in at 296.2, which is already a loss of 7.2 lbs.  But the weight lost up until this point has been due to sporatic attempts to be or eat healthier.  Today is what I would call my official "Day 1" because I'm journaling my food and working out. 

I like starting on Sundays because I don't eat out on Sundays, which forces me to eat healthy(er) and allows me a little more time to focus on myself before jumping head first into my week.

So just a couple quick heads-ups for those who either don't know me, or have never had this much weight to lose: 

1)  I have little or no filter.  I think filtering this experience gives a person a false sense of simplicity when it comes to losing weight of this proportion and to leave out the undesirable components of my weight for the sake of the 'eww' or 'TMI' responses keeps those who are struggling with the same issues as I am from feeling isolated because they won't identify completely with my experience.  So, for those who are faint of heart, be warned.  And if you find a particular post disturbing I'll tell you a secret:  You can delete it!  I'll never know and nobody will tell.  Just come back the next day to when things are normal :)

This is what I concentrate on while I'm on the treadmill.  Hundreds of motivational quotes!

2) I can get a little hard core at times.  I have an all-or-nothing personality. This means that in order for me to successfully lose 160 lbs I will need to be 100% all of the time.  I cannot fudge.  Not working out even ONCE will cause me to fail.  This is a personality flaw.  I understand this.  And it has taken me years to come to grips with it.  If you are NOT all-or-nothing, that's OK.  But this is who I am.  Thus, there will be lots of posts on some days because I tend to obsess on occasion to stay focused on the end goal. 

3) I will NOT be following any specific diet.  They are too restrictive.  However, I can say that of the weight loss programs I have used (and I've used nearly all of them), I will probably adhere closest to the 6-week-body makeover, which is what I was using 6 years ago when I lost 80 pounds.  I would have succeeded in that program if I hadn't gotten pregnant half way through and forced to stop.  

I am not following any specific diet, but am instead choosing to take bits and pieces that have worked for me and incorporating them all into a method that I will be able to maintain indefinitely.  The problem with diets is that they are temporary.  I am looking for a way of living that will be permanent.  Nothing less.  I have NO intention of regaining this weight back. Ever. 

4) I will be eating a LOT.  Why? Because it requires a lot of food to maintain a body this size.  So, a normal person might be on a 12-1500 calorie diet to lose 2 lbs a week.  Me?  I'm on an 1800+ calorie diet and I'll be losing nearly a pound a DAY.  Never fear, though.  The smaller I get, the less I'll be eating - in spite of the increased exercise.

286.6 lbs. This is gonna suck....to put it nicely.

Quote for the day: 

Yeah, so today sucked.  I knew it would.  It always does at the beginning.  But I'd forgotten how much it was going to suck.

I am 286.6 lbs.  I'm beyond overweight.  I'm beyond obese.  I'm morbidly obese.  If they had a term worse than that, I'd be it.  I have 150 lbs I need to lose in order to hit the middle of what is considered a healthy weight range for my body.  One hundred and fifty.  Pounds.  Not ounces.  POUNDS.  That means I have to burn 525,000 calories to hit my goal weight, or do 1,050,000 jumping jacks.

People like me land magazine covers if we actually achieve weight loss.  That's how rarely this goal is accomplished.

Let me give you a visual. THIS is 100 lbs of fat.  I need to lose 1 1/2 times this amount to hit a healthy weight.

OK.  Enough wo-is-me's. 

Like I said before.  I knew this would suck.  I've lost 80 lbs before - about 5 years ago just before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child.  6 months after she was born, I wound up pregnant with my fourth.  And now, 4 years later, I'm just now getting around to getting back on the wagon.  And I'm right back where I started the first time. (sigh). 

For those of you who aren't in my situation, let me tell you a few things about what it's like to be this fat.  It sucks. It not unusual for me to lose sensation in my fingers and hands.  I get winded walking up the stairs, or even going any real distance.  I can't sleep well because my hips hurt from the weight of my body when I sleep on my side, I feel like there is a 25 lb weight on my chest when I sleep on my back, and my back hurts when I sleep on my stomach.  Absolutely nothing looks good.  I have a hard time tying my shoes.  And we won't even begin to go into the horrors of shopping for clothes at this weight. 

Back to today.  I finally got my butt off the chair and hit the treadmill.  A few months ago, I was able to do about 45 minutes at 2.0 incline and 3.5 mph.  Today, I did 8 minutes.  8 freakin' minutes. 

At 3 minutes, I was winded.  At 6 minutes, my lower back was screaming at me.  At 7 minutes, I had both hands on the side rails bending over to relieve the stress on my back, hoping to push through.  And at 8 minutes, I had to get off.  

I'd forgotten how hard that extra 10-15 pounds is at this weight.  Walking is pure torture until I reach about 270 lbs.  But, whining and complaining doesn't burn calories.  I made my bed and now I've got to sleep in it - irregardless of whether or not its comfortable, or even torturous.  This is the price I must pay for being irresponsible with my weight and my health.  

My goal for tomorrow:  No soda and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  Wish me luck.  I'm gonna need it.  :(