Susan's Epic Weight Loss 11/04/16

Weight: 298.4  (1.8 lbs lost since yesterday)
Workout: Bodyflex

Measurements (starting):

Neck: 16 1/4"
Bust: 50 1/4"
Bicep: 16"
Upper Abs: 53"
Lower Abs: 54"
Hips: 56 1/2 "
Thigh: 28"
Calf: 17"


Breakfast:  Nothing

Lunch:  Shari's Triple Decker Club Sandwich; Side salad w/ranch on the side (no croutons): 700 calories

Dinner:  Almond Chicken (281 cal) , Sweet & Sour Chicken (276 calories), Beef & Broccoli (338 calories), Egg drop soup (66 calories):  Total calories: 861 calories   Diet Soda to drink

Total Calories:  1561


Synopsis:  Not as much energy as yesterday, but I've been up since 5 a.m. and I didn't even try to take a nap today.  Plus, I never hit the treadmill.

On another interesting note, I only ate twice today, and aside from lunch time, which was around 11:30 am (because I never had time for breakfast), I wasn't hungry at all. In fact, I didn't finish by breakfast or dinner.

Went to the movies tonight (Hacksaw Ridge is AMAZING, by the way) and didn't buy anything to eat.  I think that's the first time EVER we've never bought food at the movies.  It's always been a ritual until today.  Woohoo! It's all about change, baby!

My Epic (or not-so-epic) attempts to lose weight. Attempt #896ish

Five months since my last post.

Have I lost weight? Actually, yeah.  Just not as much as I wanted.  I'm down to 300.2.  What is that? Like 6 pounds?  Well, if you're Trying to lose 10 lbs, an six pound loss is pretty good.  If you're trying to lose 160ish, then eight pounds is paltry, at best.  Sigh.



In the last five months, I started working as an addictions counselor.  And I wouldn't consider myself a good counselor, unless I took the information I shared with my clients, and applied it to my own life as well.

Many of my clients have been in and out of the judicial system, and dealing with addiction for years or decades.  When you've been living a life like this on repeat, experiencing the same cycle over and over again, it is easy to get the F-it's.  Why try again? Why go through the hassle, if you know you'll end up right back into addiction?

One evening,  I handed this quote out to each person.  The explanation behind it is:  If you give up, you've lost already.  It's the person who keeps trying over and over and OVER again who will succeed.

And that is why I'm back at it again.

Xylacore: The First Tester Product I'm PAYING To Use Again

So, if you haven't noticed, I'm a professional product tester.  I test lots and lots of products.  This month alone, I've tested more than 50 different items.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't test just anything.  I choose each item because I am looking for something, and I'm hoping the items will be 'the one'.

For instance, one of the products I have spent the last month testing is called Xylacor.  I'm in the middle of a major weight-loss journey (160 lbs, to be exact), and I have been looking for things that aid me in the process.  I'm big into supplements and usually shy away from the all-in-one fat burning pills because I'm afraid of the side effects.

I don't know what came over me (maybe it's the hot pink pills that drew me in!) but when I saw Xylacor, I wanted to try it out.

It took a week before I realized what was happening.  I wasn't having cravings any more.  For the longest times cravings were one of the hardest things for me to control.  I am BIG into pizza and pop.  Like I eat pizza 2 to 3 times a week or more, and something equivalent to a 2-liter of diet soda per day.  It's a family thing.  Most of my family is like that. And, quite frankly, it shows on more than one of us.

A few days later, I realized that not only was I not craving sweets or pizza, I wasn't hungry all the time.  In fact, There was an entire week there I kept forgetting to EAT.  For a fat girl, that's unheard of.  You don't just forget to eat.  In fact, we're more apt to forget to STOP eating.  But I had days where I would be entering in my food for the day and realized I'd only had 800 calories.  Not good.  And yet oddly exciting.  How many times do you tell your spouse, "Yeah, I'll come to bed just as soon as I find something to eat.  I've gotta get my calories in for the day."

Yesterday I was 286.8.  Hmm I foresee my period coming on!
You'll see the difference in my belly.
It isn't sticking out beyond my boobs as much as they used to.
  Baby steps...

Then I noticed the extra energy.  I work nights, so I average about 4 hours sleep per night, which meant when my son took a nap during the day, so did I.  But this last month, I haven't felt as strong a need to sleep.  Now I can usually get through the day without crashing mid-day.  I'm not jittery, or hyper.  I just...don't crash.

The most exciting thing, though, has been the inches lost.  Oh my gosh! The inches lost around my belly!  It's frustrating to take pictures because they don't do the loss any justice.

What I can tell you is that I've lost 6 1/4" from my upper abs, 3" from my hips, and 1" from my waist (I just started measuring last week).  My stomach 'flap' has shrunk enough that I can see a difference when I look in the mirror, and I'm down a pant size.


I talked to my husband about the difference and he's noticed too.  In fact, he wanted to know if there's a male version of this pill (which there is).

I can honestly tell you that after nearly 4 weeks of using this pill as a part of my weight loss program, I am thoroughly convinced of the quality of Xylacor.  It truly does what it claims to do. And it is the very first product I've received for free, that I will be PAYING to use again because I like it that much.  Plus I will be buying a bottle of the male version for my husband.


P.S.  Don't forget what I said about the appetite!  Make sure you get enough calories each day to avoid putting your body into starvation mode!!

My Weight Loss Rewards List

I am a VERY oriented individual.  Every morning I wake up and create a to-do list: my goals for things to achieve by the end of the day.  I have goals for business, personal life, education, spiritual improvement, personal improvement, parenting, and, well, you get the idea.

With that in mind, it's no surprise that I also have goals for weight loss.  You know the ultimate goal: Reach the weight of 145 lbs.  But looking at that goal, and knowing I still need to lose 100+ more pounds can be daunting, to say the least.   So, I've broken it down into increments, then attached a non-food reward to go with each milestone.  Those that are starred have a personal significance to me, therefore they have a higher dollar value.


280 lbs:  New Running Shoes
275 lbs: Pedicure
270 lbs: Get my hair done - highlighted & cut
265 lbs: Go target shooting
260 lbs: Manicure
255 lbs: Write-In (leave for a weekend and work on my book!)
*250 lbs: Make-Over (Buy New Make up to go with my new face!)
240 lbs: Get my suburban detailed
230 lbs: Hire a Personal Trainer
220 lbs: Another Write-In
210 lbs: Take up Kickboxing or Karate
*200 lbs: Buy a road bike for doing triathlons
190 lbs: Go Zip Lining
*180 lbs: Vegas Baby!
170 lbs: Parachuting or Para sailing
160 lbs: Get a sprinkler system for my lawn
150 lbs: New Wardrobe :)
*145 lbs: Atlantis or Hawaii!!!

So, why are the starred weights so important? Well, 145 lbs for obvious reasons. I haven't been that weight for 21 years.

250 lbs is the weight I was when I got pregnant with my 4th child, 200 lbs is the weight I got pregnant with my 3rd child AND a major milestone anyway.  180 lbs is the weight I got pregnant with my second child (15 years ago).  So in essence, the starred numbers are the point in which I lose a child!!!! ;)  Yes, my goal is to 'lose my children'!  Bahahahaha!

Taking Better Care of Myself...Starting With My Hair

As I mentioned in one of my other posts, I had a tendency to 'punish' myself when overweight by not pampering myself.  I always justified this lack of interest in my appearance by saying I'd do something special once I lost weight.

Well, 20 years later, I'm pretty much as basic looking as you can get.  My life consists of ponytails or buns, a pair of jeans (if I'm lucky) and a t-shirt that has probably been changed 3 or 4 times because my son smeared something all over me while 'playing'.  No makeup.  I'm lucky if I showered that day.  In retrospect, I can admit it was pretty bad.

As part of my weight loss journey, I've committed to taking better care of myself, which is why I do product reviews.  Since I've been out of the game for so long, I have no idea what is good and what isn't.  So, rather than spending hundreds of dollars on different products in hopes of figuring out what works for me, I'm able to get a product for free in exchange for an honest and unbiased opinion.

Something that has always bothered me about myself has been my hair.  Of the 10 children in our family, half of us had thick, luscious hair (after my father) and the other half had thin, limp hair (after my mother).  I was in the latter group.  My hair's only redeeming quality was that it's curly, which helps to camouflage the limp state of the strands.

Among the products I was allowed to test was a product called:

• Regenepure NT Hair Thickening Shampoo for Hair Thinning Treatment In Men and Women from Salonceuticals Regenepure.  You can buy it on Amazon (in case you're interested).

First off, let me preface this by saying I didn't know what to expect.  I certainly didn't expect results to occur in any less than 2 or 3 weeks.  Don't ask me why. That's just a number I had in my head. And, at best, I expected the results to be minimal at best.  But, I'm an optimist, so I gave it a try. 

Let me just say I'm impressed with the results.  

My long, brown curly hair falls to the middle of my back when it's wet, so there is a lot of it.  When I put the soap in my hair, there weren't many suds (which are just chemicals anyway), but I could feel my hair getting squeaky clean.  It was a different experience than I'm used to.  Normally, the shampoo would be out-of-control sudsy, then you'd wash it off and think nothing of the texture of the hair.  But it was the other way around this time. 

There was no discernible scent either, which is nice if you've got issues with smells, or are tired of having a different scent for every item you use leaving your body with 15 different scents when you walk out of the bathroom. 

When I was done styling my hair, I was thoroughly impressed.  My hair felt cleaner and not weighed down, plus it was less dull - I had a bit of shine to it.  And, because it wasn't weighed down, the curls bounced into place and STAYED in place much longer.  Normally, I'll do my hair and it will go flat in an hour. But the curls were almost obnoxious today - I finally pulled my hair back into a ponytail.

To summarize, I like this product.  I haven't used it long enough to see actual strand thickening per se, but I did notice cleaner, healthier hair, that was lighter, thus giving me more volume and the appearance of thicker hair.  I even have pictures to prove it! Ha!!

Bleacher Laps: Feeling the Burn

I've been working out pretty hard trying to get back into shape.  I've been playing with the same 4 or 5 lbs for the last week or two, so I decided to mix things up a bit and hit the bleachers for some bleacher laps intermixed with walking around the track while my oldest son worked with his track throwing coach.

I put in 6 bleacher laps and a mile around the track before the 90 degree F weather finally caught up with me and I had to stop. I think I worked out for a good 45 minutes in the sun.

The interesting thing I noticed as I was working out was that my lungs never got to that point where I was gasping for breath.  The majority of my effort was in the legs.  They were burning and cramping something fierce.

Yes, I was doing stairs.  And yes, I stayed hydrated.  An interesting tidbit about being so severely overweight is that underneath all of that fat (at least there is for me) there's a bunch of muscle already.  You NEED that muscle to heft around all this extra weight.

For example, halfway through my bleacher laps, an athletic guy showed up and started running the bleachers.  Good for him!  He's in shape and he's putting forth an effort.  And one day I hope to be running the bleachers just like him.  The difference right now, though, is that I'm traversing the bleachers with 20 lb weights on each leg.  20 lbs of FAT covering the muscle I possess.  With each step, I must lift that extra 20 lbs.

Consider this for a moment.  How far do you think that same man (or a women) would get with a 160 lb person on their back?  Would they be able to run very far before they get winded, or body parts begin to ache?  Could they even do the bleacher laps with someone on their back? That's what it's like for me.  I'm an athletic person with 160 lbs of dead weight hanging off my body. And until I lose that weight, my muscles will constantly be burning and aching, slowly lessening as ounce by ounce, that dead weight is burned into nothingness.

So, this morning, when I began to walk down the stairs and felt my quads screaming in agony, I smiled.  Because for the first time since I began, I was feeling a GOOD pain.  Lactic acid had built up and my body was building more muscle.

I have surpassed the hardest part of the 'torture' phase of my weight loss faster than anticipated.  Now I can begin the burn & build stage:  Burn the fat and build the muscle.  Yes!!!!!

 

Sometimes You Just Have to Pull Your Big Girl Panties and DO IT!

Yeah, it was one of those days.  I started the day FANTASTIC.  But somewhere between picking up messes, teaching a class at church, and work, I lost all motivation.  Oh, and the 5 friggin' brownies I ate for lunch.  Yeah, that was all I had. Brownies.  My body rewarded me by being sick for the rest of the night (serves me right).  I've had issues with chocolate ever since my 4th child was born.  It upsets my stomach.  Does that stop me? Nope.  I'm a woman for Pete's sake!  The only thing I desire more than chocolate is pizza.  And we've already had that conversation. :(

So, when 9:00 pm (my designated work out time) came and went, then 10:00 turned to 10:30pm I realized I had to make a decision.  Was I going to put my big girl panties on and do what had to be done? Or was I gonna wuss out and go to bed instead?

Yep.  I got off my sorry butt and worked out.  Not only that, but I added .2 mph to my speed, another 12 minutes (almost 50% longer than yesterday) to my time, and doubled my distance - 2.7 miles.  Not bad considering I started at 1/2 a mile a couple weeks ago. 

Any bets on what my weight loss will be in the morning??  I'm hoping karma will reward me by ignoring those stupid brownies today. 

First Day on the Trails. I Think I Almost Died.

Me after the work out. Beet Red!

My sweet husband woke up this fine Saturday morning and asked me what my plans were.  I told him I had a bit of work to do, and then I wanted to take a walk.  He then told me he'd been planning on going on a walk to and asked if we could go now.

I dropped what I was doing and put on some shoes (I was already in work-out clothes to help motivate me to get my butt out of the house...eventually).

We headed over to the trails that follow the Spokane River for our walk. He asked how far I wanted to go, and I told him my hope was to go 3 miles.  Yeah, I know it's not far, but it is when I stop at a mile on the treadmill.

Walking always seems to take three times longer on a treadmill. Blech!

I was able to get about a mile into my walk before my back was screaming, my hands were so swollen I couldn't make a fist, and my calves were beginning to cramp up, and my hips hurt.  Oh, how I love the beginning weeks of losing weight.  NOT!!

The start of a massive blister. Isn't it pretty? I shall name it Henry

KC asked me if we needed to turn back and I promptly told him NO!  I will finish this walk even if I have to stop 30 times and I'm crawling to the car! Little did he know how close to the truth that may be.

The nice thing, as he pointed out, about walking the trails vs. a treadmill, is that on the trails you must turn around and walk back.  You HAVE to walk back.  You don't have a choice, unless you want to die there on the trails. With a treadmill, you can get tired and step off and be done.

When we got to our half-way point, I had to stop and rest my back for about 5 minutes.  My boobs and stomach are too big!  It was hurting my back too much - if felt very much akin to labor pains.

So I sat down, relieved the pressure on my back, the stood up.  KC asked if I needed more time and I told him, "This is as good as I'm ever gonna feel, so we might as well get started."

My fingers are so swollen they look like stuffed sausages!

I did pretty good for the first 1/2 mile, then the pain in my back commenced again, followed by my hands (from the swelling), then my shins, calves, quads, and hips.  KC very nicely slowed his pace as I adjusted my stride, and quietly endured the experience through gasps of air.

It wasn't pretty, but I finished without having to stop, and I have the start of only one major blister on my left heel to show for the experience.

I came home with my face beet red, my shirt covered in sweat marks, and my fingers tingling from lack of sensation. There were moments I felt like I was going to die of a heart attack, or pass out from hyperventilation.  But I also came home with a sense of accomplishment.  The fist step is often the hardest, and today was no exception.  Working out at 295 lbs is no easy task, but as long as I persist - remembering that at this point it is merely a war of the wills - I will succeed and it will get better until working out is eventually fun.  It will EVENTUALLY become something I look forward to and crave.

Organic Coconut Oil Capsules

I have read several articles lately about how great coconut oil is for weight loss.

It's been linked to several health benefits including:

Diabetes, heart disease, chronic fatigue, Chrones Disease, Irritable Bowl Syndrome, Alzheimer's, thyroid conditions, energy issues, boosting the immune system, weight loss, lowering cholesterol, and psoriasis.  ( Resource used: http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-supplements/ingredientmono-1092-coconut%20oil.aspx?activeingredientid=1092&activeingredientname=coconut%20oil )

I've experimented with coconut oil a few times. I've done things like oil pulling (swishing the oil in your mouth for 20 minutes) to help strengthen the teeth and help with cavities, and I've cooked with it on several occasions.  However, I haven't been able to use it consistently because I, as a habit, don't usually cook with any type of oils unless the recipe specifically asks for oil.  Plus, the coconut oil I have in my kitchen is more of the consistency of grainy shortening.


However, the concept of using coconut oil as a way to enhance your weight loss, has interested me and I've wanted to try out that theory.  So, when I was given an opportunity to get a free bottle of coconut oil capsules, I jumped at the opportunity to give them a try.

The capsules are look about the same as a fish-oil capsule.  They don't have any funky after taste, and I never had any problems taking them. 

Is it helping to aid in my weight loss?  I'm still up in the air about that because I've made so many recent changes to my lifestyle that I can't pinpoint any one thing.  What I can say is that I haven't GAINED weight.  I can also tell you that my skin is looking pretty darned good lately.  I have a pretty large spot on my right hand that has psoriasis.  It has always cracked and flaked and been pretty nasty.  It's a spot I've been consistently self-conscious about over the years.

I have noticed that the spot is gradually getting less flaky as my use continues.  There is no more cracking.  For that reason alone, I would take these capsules.  Never mind the fact that I may also lose weight, lower my cholesterol, increase my energy, or avoid getting diabetes.  Those are all bonuses to a product I would say is definitely worth giving a try.

Is It Hot In Here? Or Is It Just Me?

Ok, I'm just gonna throw this out there.  I don't know if I'm crazy, menopausal, or if this is normal, and I'm just not getting the memo.  But, for me, when I'm losing large amounts of weight (i.e. a pound or more per day) I notice that I have a tendency to sweat.  Like all day long.  As in, feeling like it's 110 degrees outside, but I'm actually in an air conditioned house, kind of sweat.

Do any of you feel that way, or felt that way when your body was in 'the zone' and burning off a bunch of weight?

I noticed it for the 3 whole days I tried the Hcg diet - then stopped because it was outrageous.  I think I lost 5 lbs in those 3 days, but I also almost passed out and had migraines.  I noticed it this week when I had the 2 lb weight loss in 24 hours.

So, am I crazy?   Just tell me I'm not crazy.  I think I could even handle menopausal.

Maybe it's one of the supplements I'm taking?  I dunno.  What I do know, though, is that sweating like an Banshee is a double-edged sword.  Yes, I know that a killer weigh-in is eminent.  But it also means I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl 24/7.

And, before you start telling me it's just water-loss, I'm gonna stop you right there and say, "Nuh-uh."

This sweating thing is a normal occurrence for me.  It happens all the time.  Not just twice.  And a girl can only lose so much water before she starts losing fat - especially if she's doing everything right.

Oh well, it's hard to get a response from your own personal blog post.  So I'll post this to the World Wide Web and hope that someone responds.

Thank you, and good night :)

Does Reading To Your Children Count As Exercise?

I recently downloaded a book off Amazon called: GREEN Bird: The Adventures Children Book illustrations.  I thought it would be a fun book for my kiddos, seeing as they are 4 1/2 and 6 years old.  

I've been looking for something that I can give them to read when I need them to sit quietly - i.e. in waiting rooms, in the car, or wherever. But I didn't want to be lugging a bunch of books around in a diaper bag either. Thus, the e-book method. 

My first mistake was to read the book after dinner - which means they had full tummies and a renewed sense of energy.  I sat my 4-year-old on my lap and flipped on my IPhone.  His face immediately lit up when he saw the bright green bird on the cover then he began to clap, which drew the attention of my 6 year-old.  

I began reading the book out loud to my children.  One was on my lap, and the other was standing next to me, leaning over the screen, making it hard for me to see.  This caused me to have to dodge my head around my 6-year-old daughter to read the screen while my 4-year-old son pointed to the pictures. 

The pictures were cute and completely engaging.  But every few pages, it was a white page with words, which caused my 4-year-old to zone off momentarily until another picture appeared.  This lull in his attention caused him to look elsewhere (i.e. at his big sister) for entertainment.  

Eventually, the book reading session turned into something akin to: 

ME: "'Excuse me, are you a bird?' The little green bird asked the little green thing."

JACOB Grunts and tries to tap the phone phone to turn the page.

COURTNEY: "JACOB! It's my turn!"  She slaps his hand.

ME: "Courtney, don't hit your brother." I bat her hand away and touch the screen myself.

JACOB Dives for the phone and I wrestle him away as Courtney manhandles it out of my grasp while my attention is focused on Jacob. 

COURTNEY: "Ooh, Mama! What do you think this is?  An Apple? A Pear?" She waves the phone in front of my face, but yanks it away when I try to grab it for a closer view. 

JACOB tries to make a move for the phone, but I grab him around the waist and pull him back on my lap. 

ME: "Courtney, give me the phone back so I can read it to everyone."

COURTNEY returns the phone and leans in, tapping the phone to turn the page to words.  

JACOB grunts and taps the phone too, causing it to turn back to the mystery picture. 

I tap it again, batting both hands away and reading the words. 

BOTH KIDS grin when it's revealed to be a mango!

JACOB lunges again to turn the page.

COURTNEY screams and lunges too. 

I wrestle the phone away, dodging little hands, and reading the dialogue while moving the phone every .3 seconds to avoid sticky fingers. 

More screaming (some from me).  

We turn the page. 

COURTNEY guesses, giggles, and squeals.

JACOB lunges, successfully turning the page again, and pointing to the newest animal discovery.
And then repeat....

Seriously, can I count that as my workout?  My arms are kind of tired.  It's gotta count for a few minutes anyway.

Needless to say, the book was a hit.  You might want to check it out.  If you dare...but I wouldn't recommend it for quite time.    :)

Fat Girls Don't Run Triathlons

OK, whose bright idea was it to sign me up for a triathlon?

Oh. That's right.  It was me.  I was the idiot who agreed to do one.  Brilliant.

In case you didn't get the memo (because I apparently didn't), 300 lb women don't run triathlons.  OK, to be fair, I'm sure there's probably SOMEONE out there who does.  But I don't.  I'm too FAT.

Lucky for me, it's only a Sprint distance triathlon.  Though that may be enough to kill me off.
My little sister, after seeing some of my blog posts, suggested I join her in this truly amazing (cough cough) endeavor and train so that we can both do the triathlon together in September.

Apparently, I was still on my walker's high and thought that, after walking an entire 18 minutes on the treadmill, I was invincible.  Maybe I should restrict my Internet time after my evening work-outs.  Apparently I'm a hazard to myself. But I digress...

5K run? No problem.  I can walk if I need to. 10 mile bike ride?  Sure. No problem.  1 mile swim?  Yeah, I'm gonna drown.  Mebbe I should dust off my floaties, or strap on a life jacket.  At least they'll find my body that way.

In all seriousness though, this triathlon scares the CRAP out of me. Why? Because I CAN'T run a triathlon at this weight.

But you know what?  I don't intend to.  I have 2 1/2 months to train like crazy and lose as much weight as possible so that I can participate.  The goal isn't to win. Not by any means.  It's merely to compete...and not die.  Yes, life after the triathlon would be good.

I can lose a lot of weight (in a healthy way) in 2 1/2 months.  Besides, I had made a goal 10 years ago to do an iron man by the time I turned 40.  Guess what? I turned 40 two weeks ago and am no where close to doing an iron man. Maybe this idiocy of mine is just the shove I need to get me started down the path of completing a bucket list item I've had for more than 10 years.

Wish me luck!  ...I'm gonna need it.

Susan's Epic Weight Loss: Up 2 lbs. Thanks Aunt Flo!!

Yep, It's official.  I hate periods.  I weight myself today and I'm up 2 lbs.  I know. I KNOW.  I'm not supposed to weigh every day because there are usually fluctuations.  But I'm not that kind of girl.  When I weigh myself and see the numbers go up, I will instinctively work harder, or watch my portions more religiously.  And that's a good thing, right?

So, when I saw the 2 pound weight gain, even though I know it's probably from water retention due to Aunt Flo, I upped my water to 12 glasses, hit the treadmill, watched my food portions (no dessert, or garlic bread), and generally stayed out of trouble.  And according to MyfitnessPal, I've only consumed 1350 calories, which to a normal person would be fine, but for someone my size is darned near starvation - especially when the program says I burned 500 calories exercising/walking today.

I was only able to walk a mile and put in 18:39 minutes of walking before the lower back pain was unbearable - kind of like the sciatic nerve running down the butt and legs, but I'm determined to add more time each day.  Plus I upped my speed and resistance a bit to offset the lack of time I could put in.  If I can only work out 20 minutes, by golly I'm gonna sweat every stinkin' second of it!

It's frustrating to be at such a low starting point.  There was a time when I was doing 10 miles a day, or biking 20 miles, and working out 3 hours.  But that was before the two little ones came along.  One day I will be back there again.  This weight loss journey is a marathon, not a sprint.  I'm in it for the long haul.

Until next time....

32 Things I Hate About Being Fat

The last time I accomplished a major weight loss, it was nearly 6 years ago resulting in an 80 pound loss and me getting pregnant (after 10 years!)  One of the things I remember vividly toward the end of the journey was how quickly I forgot some aspects of being fat.  In the three months it took to lose the weight, I forgot some of the more truly morbid aspects of being obese. So this time around, I want to make sure to document those things, so that I won't forget.  And so I can use it as ammunition to keep me from gaining the weight back again...for whatever reason.

Susan's Epic Weight Loss
32 Things I Hate About Being Fat
This is me in April - Looking the NICEST I've looked in years.

Things I Hate About Being Fat

1. Not being able to climb a single flight of stairs without being winded.
2. Having my 4 year-old run faster than me.
3. Losing sensation in my arms and hands if I'm at a task for too long. The bigger I get, the worse it is.
4. Excruciating lower back pain when I walk for more than 5 minutes.
5. Being too self-conscious to wear a swim suit in public.
6. Not owning any full-length mirrors.
7. HATING to shop. Period.
8. My feet are too fat for regular shoes.
9. Being too self-conscious to eat (or work out) in public because I feel like everyone is judging me.
10. Feeling as if I don't deserve to be pampered and cared for. I'll 'earn it' when I get skinnier.
11. Being virtually invisible to strangers.
12. Being unable to play volleyball or hike - or any physical activity for that matter.
13. Rising from a sitting position on the floor is darned near impossible.
14. Having difficulty reaching my butt when I wipe.
15. The overhang of  my stomach.
16. Having a stomach that is bigger than my rather substantial boobs.
17. The double chin from hell.
18. Having difficulty tying my shoes.
19. Never wanting to have my picture taken.  Crying when I see my picture.
20. Realizing I've become just like my mother.
21. Wondering if my husband or children are ashamed of me.

22.  Avoiding places where I might meet old friends for fear they'll judge me for gaining so much weight since high school. 

23.    Plus sized clothing.  Ewwwww.

24.    Any shoes with more than 2 inch heels are too tall and hurt my feet

25.    Not going on rides or zip lining because I won't fit or weigh too much for the ride.

26.    $80 bras are the norm.

27.    My fingers are too fat for rings.

28.    Restaurant booths are a snug fit.

29.    My lap is almost too small for my son to sit on.

30.    Lingerie.  Yeah, not gonna happen.

31.    Neuropathy in my legs and feet.

32.    Being too embarrassed to dance.

...And the list goes on.  Be sure to come back.  I'm sure I'll add more as I consider this further.

Starting out With A Clean Slate

WARNING:  This blog may encroach the boundaries of TMI, but in an effort to stay true to the process, I'm going to spill the beans anyway!  Skip now, if you don't want to read further.

Part of my weight loss journey begins by starting with a clean slate.  That means I've enlisted the help of a colon cleanse.

During past weight loss programs, I've used some pretty great stuff - not specifically CALLED a colon cleanse, but supplements that were designed to do just that.  One of my favorites was alfalfa.

My problem, however, had always been the taste.  After a while, I could no longer stomach the taste and I created an aversion to the tasted, smell and texture of any alfalfa supplements.  Which was a shame, because they worked marvelously!

Be that as it may, if you can't swallow the stuff, it's worthless.  I tried the Vidazen version, which had alfalfa, but none of the taste.  It was awesome in that regard.  Plus, it wasn't anything overwhelming - as in, I-can't-leave-the-house-for-fear-that-a-catastrophe-may-happen, sort of overwhelming.

Needless to say, I was quite happy using this product as a stepping-off point, especially after this weekend, when my husband surprised me with a kitchen re-model, resulting in a whole-lot of fast food and not nearly enough healthy stuff.  This was the perfect way to offset a little bit of that naughtiness.

Let the Epic Games Begin! First official Day of my Weight Loss

30 minutes on the treadmill feels like an hour on the trails!!

As of this morning (Sunday the 17th), I'm weighing in at 296.2, which is already a loss of 7.2 lbs.  But the weight lost up until this point has been due to sporatic attempts to be or eat healthier.  Today is what I would call my official "Day 1" because I'm journaling my food and working out. 

I like starting on Sundays because I don't eat out on Sundays, which forces me to eat healthy(er) and allows me a little more time to focus on myself before jumping head first into my week.

So just a couple quick heads-ups for those who either don't know me, or have never had this much weight to lose: 

1)  I have little or no filter.  I think filtering this experience gives a person a false sense of simplicity when it comes to losing weight of this proportion and to leave out the undesirable components of my weight for the sake of the 'eww' or 'TMI' responses keeps those who are struggling with the same issues as I am from feeling isolated because they won't identify completely with my experience.  So, for those who are faint of heart, be warned.  And if you find a particular post disturbing I'll tell you a secret:  You can delete it!  I'll never know and nobody will tell.  Just come back the next day to when things are normal :)

This is what I concentrate on while I'm on the treadmill.  Hundreds of motivational quotes!

2) I can get a little hard core at times.  I have an all-or-nothing personality. This means that in order for me to successfully lose 160 lbs I will need to be 100% all of the time.  I cannot fudge.  Not working out even ONCE will cause me to fail.  This is a personality flaw.  I understand this.  And it has taken me years to come to grips with it.  If you are NOT all-or-nothing, that's OK.  But this is who I am.  Thus, there will be lots of posts on some days because I tend to obsess on occasion to stay focused on the end goal. 

3) I will NOT be following any specific diet.  They are too restrictive.  However, I can say that of the weight loss programs I have used (and I've used nearly all of them), I will probably adhere closest to the 6-week-body makeover, which is what I was using 6 years ago when I lost 80 pounds.  I would have succeeded in that program if I hadn't gotten pregnant half way through and forced to stop.  

I am not following any specific diet, but am instead choosing to take bits and pieces that have worked for me and incorporating them all into a method that I will be able to maintain indefinitely.  The problem with diets is that they are temporary.  I am looking for a way of living that will be permanent.  Nothing less.  I have NO intention of regaining this weight back. Ever. 

4) I will be eating a LOT.  Why? Because it requires a lot of food to maintain a body this size.  So, a normal person might be on a 12-1500 calorie diet to lose 2 lbs a week.  Me?  I'm on an 1800+ calorie diet and I'll be losing nearly a pound a DAY.  Never fear, though.  The smaller I get, the less I'll be eating - in spite of the increased exercise.

Starting my Journey of a 160 pound weight loss TODAY...OK I started a week ago.

Did you miss me? I missed you.  I missed the time I spent working out, feeling great, and losing weight.  

What happened to me, you ask?  Well it's simple really.  My daughter got sick.  No, not cough cough sick.  More like, You've got a giant hole in your heart and you're going to stroke-out and die so you'd better get that fixed kind of sick.  Yeah.  So losing weight got derailed for about 4 or 5 months until she had her surgery.

  During that time I had several epiphanies (I'll leave those stories for later).  But most importantly, I realized that the crap is ALWAYS going to be hitting the fan for me.  And I'm ALWAYS going to be busy.  So, it's time to suck it up and get to work.  Nothing will change unless I make it change and make my health a priority. 

In the mean time, I'll give you an update and my new starting point.  This picture is my most recent of me - at 300 lbs.  Yep.  I finally broke that blasted barrier (and cried).  I see so much of my mother in me now (again, a story for another time) and I don't want to be my mother.  At least not in the weight department. 

 Now, I have close to 160 lbs to lose.  Believe you me.  I know how next to impossible that sounds.  But I also know what I'm made of.  And I know what this journey is going to require in order to be successful.  And I'm up for the challenge.  And the humiliation (I'll be posting VIDEOS this time!) 

Needless to say, stay in touch.  My baby is better, and I'm back on track. I've already lost 6 lbs (I started a week ago - seriously).  So now, it's time to document the crap out of my journey.  I hope someone gets something out of my weight loss journey.  Even if it IS just me.


Yep. This is gonna be EPIC!

286.6 lbs. This is gonna suck....to put it nicely.

Quote for the day: 

Yeah, so today sucked.  I knew it would.  It always does at the beginning.  But I'd forgotten how much it was going to suck.

I am 286.6 lbs.  I'm beyond overweight.  I'm beyond obese.  I'm morbidly obese.  If they had a term worse than that, I'd be it.  I have 150 lbs I need to lose in order to hit the middle of what is considered a healthy weight range for my body.  One hundred and fifty.  Pounds.  Not ounces.  POUNDS.  That means I have to burn 525,000 calories to hit my goal weight, or do 1,050,000 jumping jacks.

People like me land magazine covers if we actually achieve weight loss.  That's how rarely this goal is accomplished.

Let me give you a visual. THIS is 100 lbs of fat.  I need to lose 1 1/2 times this amount to hit a healthy weight.

OK.  Enough wo-is-me's. 

Like I said before.  I knew this would suck.  I've lost 80 lbs before - about 5 years ago just before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child.  6 months after she was born, I wound up pregnant with my fourth.  And now, 4 years later, I'm just now getting around to getting back on the wagon.  And I'm right back where I started the first time. (sigh). 

For those of you who aren't in my situation, let me tell you a few things about what it's like to be this fat.  It sucks. It not unusual for me to lose sensation in my fingers and hands.  I get winded walking up the stairs, or even going any real distance.  I can't sleep well because my hips hurt from the weight of my body when I sleep on my side, I feel like there is a 25 lb weight on my chest when I sleep on my back, and my back hurts when I sleep on my stomach.  Absolutely nothing looks good.  I have a hard time tying my shoes.  And we won't even begin to go into the horrors of shopping for clothes at this weight. 

Back to today.  I finally got my butt off the chair and hit the treadmill.  A few months ago, I was able to do about 45 minutes at 2.0 incline and 3.5 mph.  Today, I did 8 minutes.  8 freakin' minutes. 

At 3 minutes, I was winded.  At 6 minutes, my lower back was screaming at me.  At 7 minutes, I had both hands on the side rails bending over to relieve the stress on my back, hoping to push through.  And at 8 minutes, I had to get off.  

I'd forgotten how hard that extra 10-15 pounds is at this weight.  Walking is pure torture until I reach about 270 lbs.  But, whining and complaining doesn't burn calories.  I made my bed and now I've got to sleep in it - irregardless of whether or not its comfortable, or even torturous.  This is the price I must pay for being irresponsible with my weight and my health.  

My goal for tomorrow:  No soda and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  Wish me luck.  I'm gonna need it.  :(