Back in the Saddle Again. Why I Keep Coming Back for More

Yes, it's been a while since I posted. Yes, I'm at it again. Yes, I'm tired of trying and failing. But I'm going to try AGAIN. Why? Well let me tell you a little story.

My mother and I at my high school graduation

I am the seventh of ten children. My mom stayed at home because, well, what else are you going to do with ten kids? She did the very best she could considering the circumstances.  And over forty years of child-rearing, she gained weight.  A lot of it.

She tried a bajillion different diets. I remember her going to TOPs (Take off Pounds Sensibly) and Overeaters Anonymous.  I remember seeing hypnosis audio tapes, Weight Watchers material, and a myriad of other attempts at losing weight.

I distinctly remember a point in sixth grade when I began to be embarrassed by what my mom looked like.  Yes, it's selfish, and horrible.  She was my mother. And I was twelve. Twelve-year-olds are selfish and horrible. During that time, I often recall asking myself, "Why doesn't she just...lose it? Eat less, work out more. It's not that hard."

Yeah. Said the 12 year old girl who was 98 lbs soaking wet and never had a problem with her weight until she had children of her own. Then I gained 60 lbs with my first child, and it all went downhill from there.

Soon, I found myself doing the same things my mother did...and failing. More often than not, I'd look in the mirror and see my mother. I would often wonder if my children were embarrassed of me like I was of Mom.  Except now I'm on the receiving end of the weight-loss discussion.

Me:2015

Why can't I just eat less and move more?  Well, to fully understand, a normal person would have to put another full-grown adult on their back and carry that person around during an entire workout. Then they'd understand how easily a person gets winded climbing stairs, or their back hurts after 15 minutes on the treadmill, or how something as simple as getting up from the floor becomes a chore.

Second, it ultimately comes down to time for me. I don't have any of it. I get 5 hours of sleep at night, if that.  It is difficult for me to give up even 30 minutes of that time to exercise.

Yet, here I am, trying again. Why?

Because I had a mother whom I loved dearly. She fought the good fight for decades and never managed to win. I think at some point, she just gave up, and her weight defeated her.

So each time I hit the treadmill, or drag myself out of bed, nearly in tears because I'm so stinking tired, I remember my mother. And I promise myself that I will not let my weight define me. I will not let my weight overpower me. And I will not be that mom that my children are ashamed of.  I will be the person I want to be. I will do the things I want to do.  I will not let my weight dictated what I can and cannot do.  And I will not let obesity defeat us both.

Therefore, I will try and try and try and try and TRY until I succeed.  Even if that means I have 9,999 more tries to go. I will not quit.

Current weight and Stats on today's workout.  Holding myself accountable and hoping to see progress. I will not quit.

Fitting in Time for Me...And My Husband.

I think I've piled a little bit too much on my plate again (sigh).  I go through cycles.  I put too many irons in the fire, work really hard until I basically have a break down, then step back and try to figure out which things can be taken off the plate.

It's a sickness, I know.

For the last several months, I've been up from 5:00 am till midnight every day of the week.  I have 1 day between now and the end of March, and 2 days in April, that I don't have at least one thing scheduled - above and beyond the recurring appointments already etched into my brain.

And yet, I'm trying to do more. Be more.

Well, actually, I'm trying to be LESS. As in lose weight.

I've spent a couple of months working out 2-3 times per week with my trainer, and I'm beginning to see differences in increased strength and how my clothes fit better.  But the scale isn't moving the way I'd like.

I'm not willing to give up the strength training, because I need the extra strength to handle my son with special needs.  So, with only 5 hours of sleep per night, and having the current commitment of 90 minutes with Ryan (the trainer) three times per week, I struggled with how to add more cardio without taking away from my family.

Decades ago, in high school, I used to play volleyball.  I haven't played since before my youngest was born, nearly 7 years ago.  But my husband is 6'6" and he LOVES volleyball.  Go figure.

I found out about a co-ed volleyball night through our church twice per month, and I asked him about it.  I suggested we could use it as our date night on those weeks.  The nice thing about volleyball is A) it's free.  B) It's not centered around food, which is how our date nights usually go.

Tonight was our first night.

I showed up in knee-length spandex Capris, a pair of tennis shoes, and a t-shirt over a tank top and two bras - one is like a suit of friggin' armor to keep the 'girls' from giving me a black-eye, and the other was to smooth out the bumps because my cups runneth over, if you know what I mean.  The suit of armor was $80 when I bought it. By golly I'm gonna use it till it shreds into nothingness, or the straps break.

I was a hot mess by the end of the first rotation, gasping for breath after the second, and sweating like a pig by the end of the 11-point game. Still, I persisted.

I only needed help getting up off the floor once - I certainly felt like a beached whale - but everyone was a good sport, and we were all there for fun.

My husband and I lasted 2 1/2 hours before we came home.  He swears his hip went out during a play. We both limped up the stairs, then guzzled inordinate amounts of Ibuprofen. Okay, I only had two but that's beside the point. I WISH I could've had like seven.  I am soooo going to feel this one in the morning!

But you know what? We had fun. And we'll be back at it again in two week.  I wonder if I can find more family activities this spring that will get out out of our comfort zone and off the couch. Hmm. I'll add that to my to-do list.

Until next time...

10 Things I'm doing to ensure PERMANENT Weight Loss

1.  Working out EVERY DAY at least 20 minutes.
2.  Replacing soda with water & non-carbonated drinks like crystal light.  No juices.
3.  Eating more veggies
4.  Eating out less
5.  Learning to be more Mindful
6.  Learning how my thoughts affect my behaviors
7.  Making small, realistic goals
8.  Emphasizing the little changes.
9.  Taking care of myself NOW, not when I reach goal weight.
10. Drink more water!! Okay, this sounds a lot like #2, except, it's not. I don't usually drink much, and when I do, it's carbonated.  Now, I'm choosing to drink nearly a gallon of liquid. And that liquid will be water.

Update: 02/07/17 Working With a Trainer

Did you miss me?  I wish I could say the same.  I've been running around with my hair on fire...again.

Since my last post in November, my daughter got married, we had Christmas and New Years, I was working 50-hour work weeks, and then, I got sick.  For 3 weeks.  Sigh.

I'm so done with 2017. And it's only February!!

Luckily, out of sight didn't necessarily mean off the wagon.  I started working with a trainer on January 10th. And he's uh-maz-ing. 

Remember how, in older posts, I talked about the beginning phase of getting into shape would be absolute torture? Apparently I was wrong. No, seriously.  I was wrong.

I have met with Ryan of Phoenix Strength Systems 11 or 12 times now. Not consistently though.  I had a 3 week gap when I was sick, and then another week when I had the period from HELL.  And not a single one of our visits involved me being in any sort of pain.  Or relatively tired/winded.  The next couple of days? Well, that's another story.  But it was all good pain.  Muscles were changing, growing, and building.

In spite of the gaps between visits, I still managed to lose some inches.

New measurements:

Weight: 299.6 lbs (+.8 lbs)
Neck:  16" (- 1/4")
Bust:  49" (-1 1/4")
Upper Abs:  46 1/2" (-6 1/2")!!!
Lower Abs:  54" (same)
Hips: 55 1/2" (-1")
Thigh: 28" (same)
Bicep: 15 1/2" (- 1/2")
Calf: 17" (same)

My weight is essentially the same, but my inches are going down. Pretty cool, eh. Muscle takes up less space than fat, so the measurements tell me that I'm building some serious muscle. 

I even had someone tell me I looked skinner, and all my clothes are hanging differently (in a good way).  People don't normally notice changes in my body for at least 20-30 lbs.  And yet, they're noticing. :)

I enjoy working out this time around, which makes the discomfort of sore muscles the next day totally worth it!

Susan's Epic Weight Loss 11/04/16

Weight: 298.4  (1.8 lbs lost since yesterday)
Workout: Bodyflex

Measurements (starting):

Neck: 16 1/4"
Bust: 50 1/4"
Bicep: 16"
Upper Abs: 53"
Lower Abs: 54"
Hips: 56 1/2 "
Thigh: 28"
Calf: 17"


Breakfast:  Nothing

Lunch:  Shari's Triple Decker Club Sandwich; Side salad w/ranch on the side (no croutons): 700 calories

Dinner:  Almond Chicken (281 cal) , Sweet & Sour Chicken (276 calories), Beef & Broccoli (338 calories), Egg drop soup (66 calories):  Total calories: 861 calories   Diet Soda to drink

Total Calories:  1561


Synopsis:  Not as much energy as yesterday, but I've been up since 5 a.m. and I didn't even try to take a nap today.  Plus, I never hit the treadmill.

On another interesting note, I only ate twice today, and aside from lunch time, which was around 11:30 am (because I never had time for breakfast), I wasn't hungry at all. In fact, I didn't finish by breakfast or dinner.

Went to the movies tonight (Hacksaw Ridge is AMAZING, by the way) and didn't buy anything to eat.  I think that's the first time EVER we've never bought food at the movies.  It's always been a ritual until today.  Woohoo! It's all about change, baby!