Yeah, so today sucked. I knew it would. It always does at the beginning. But I'd forgotten how much it was going to suck.
I am 286.6 lbs. I'm beyond overweight. I'm beyond obese. I'm morbidly obese. If they had a term worse than that, I'd be it. I have 150 lbs I need to lose in order to hit the middle of what is considered a healthy weight range for my body. One hundred and fifty. Pounds. Not ounces. POUNDS. That means I have to burn 525,000 calories to hit my goal weight, or do 1,050,000 jumping jacks.
People like me land magazine covers if we actually achieve weight loss. That's how rarely this goal is accomplished.
Let me give you a visual. THIS is 100 lbs of fat. I need to lose 1 1/2 times this amount to hit a healthy weight.
OK. Enough wo-is-me's.
Like I said before. I knew this would suck. I've lost 80 lbs before - about 5 years ago just before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child. 6 months after she was born, I wound up pregnant with my fourth. And now, 4 years later, I'm just now getting around to getting back on the wagon. And I'm right back where I started the first time. (sigh).
For those of you who aren't in my situation, let me tell you a few things about what it's like to be this fat. It sucks. It not unusual for me to lose sensation in my fingers and hands. I get winded walking up the stairs, or even going any real distance. I can't sleep well because my hips hurt from the weight of my body when I sleep on my side, I feel like there is a 25 lb weight on my chest when I sleep on my back, and my back hurts when I sleep on my stomach. Absolutely nothing looks good. I have a hard time tying my shoes. And we won't even begin to go into the horrors of shopping for clothes at this weight.
Back to today. I finally got my butt off the chair and hit the treadmill. A few months ago, I was able to do about 45 minutes at 2.0 incline and 3.5 mph. Today, I did 8 minutes. 8 freakin' minutes.
At 3 minutes, I was winded. At 6 minutes, my lower back was screaming at me. At 7 minutes, I had both hands on the side rails bending over to relieve the stress on my back, hoping to push through. And at 8 minutes, I had to get off.
I'd forgotten how hard that extra 10-15 pounds is at this weight. Walking is pure torture until I reach about 270 lbs. But, whining and complaining doesn't burn calories. I made my bed and now I've got to sleep in it - irregardless of whether or not its comfortable, or even torturous. This is the price I must pay for being irresponsible with my weight and my health.
My goal for tomorrow: No soda and 15 minutes on the treadmill. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it. :(
